Like a star centre forward returning from injury (in your own time Michael Owen), like a main strike bowler receiving the new ball from an expectant captain (I can assure you there will be no ball tampering going on here either) and like the world's leading golfer sending down a 22 foot putt (no chance of that being a Brit anytime soon then) to win the Open, I'm back!
No, please don't groan, please don't cry, please don't head back to Google or the brand spanking new Journal Live website.
This site is your chance to have your say about the major sporting issues of the day, get a few things off your chest and enter into a civilised (or not so civilised) debate with like-minded internet savvy souls - and me of course.
All I do is bring up a few points, crack a few jokes, and raise a few arguments.
For those of you who were kind enough to read my ramblings during the World Cup in Germany, it's nice to renew your acquaintance and, yes, the spell in rehab went well thanks.
The doctors tell me I'm getting a lot better , although I do still sometimes wake up in the middle of the night screaming "Michael, no, please, not your knee" or sometimes, I'm told, I smile in my sleep and murmur, "It is no use begging Sven, we have ways of making you talk and all of them involve torture and pain you useless, over-paid waste of dugout space!"
For those of you who are logging on for the first time, hello, my name is Luke and I am a sports addict who likes to rant about the highs and lows of our regional, national and international sporting endeavours while mocking and praising the good, the bad and downright ugly characters who make them such fascinating pastimes for us all.
And who better to start with than Sven Goran Eriksson. Dear old baldie Sven. I wonder what the Swedish con artist is up to now? I know he has finally ditched that Nancy girlfriend of his.
You know the Italian lawyer, with the silicone lips and chest who appeared to enjoy fame even more than he did. He's traded her in for a younger model back in Sweden apparently.
Now what is it about old, rich men and young attractive women and why is it a union that never seems to occur in my neighbourhood?
Signifciantly, however, Sven, that great master tactician and inspirational leader of men does not appear to have been inundated with job offers since he managed to lead the most talented generation of English footballers in 40 years to yet another drab quarter-final exit!
Funny that, there was me thinking he was quids in to oust Arsene Wenger at Arsenal. But then again, he's probably having too much fun spending the millions he was paid to do such a bad job by those clever chaps at the Football Association so the last thing he needs is the stress of working. No, you put your feet up Sven, take it easy, thanks for all your help, Ulrika sends here best.
Actually, to be honest I was a little bit nervous for a bit. You see, when Sunderland saviour - now just chairman - Niall Quinn was claiming earlier this week that he was bringing in a world class manager to the Stadium of Light my heart sank.
Sven out of work, Sunderland, plenty of money and desperate, it looked like a match made in heaven.
Thankfully, it looks like the Black Cats are going to get some guy called Roy Keane to be their new manager. He's an Irishman - now there's a shock given the fact the club appears to have been adopted by the Emerald Isle and he used to play a bit apparently.
Well, welcome to the North-East Roy and please don't hit me!
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