September 2006 Archives
Calm Down Dear... It's Only Andorra
Posted by Luke on September 4, 2006 12:04 PM
England are going to win the European Championships, they are the best team in Europe by far, they have the best players, the best manager, the best assistant manager, the best kit, the best boots, the best corner flags... Put your money on them now, all you can spare, it’s a dead cert, England will rule the world again!
Erm, sorry, to be a party pooper, but England have just beaten Andorra, that’s right, Andorra, not Argentina. Yes, they scored five - ooohh, five whole goals - and they never looked in any trouble, but they were playing a bunch of part timers who would struggle in League One.
So lads, fantastic, well done, you’ve thumped a country with a population of just over 67,000 - roughly the same as a small English town - let’s get out the bunting, the flags, the commemoration plates and have a street party! Actually, no, let’s not.
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He's Back And He's Missed
Posted by Luke on September 4, 2006 12:13 PM
One minute your sending a magnificent last-minute drop goal through the posts to win the World Cup for England, the next your injured and three years later you're missing a last minute penalty to condemn the Newcastle Falcons to defeat against Northampton.
Still, it's good to see the name Jonny Wilkinson back in the paper without injury, scare or "fears he will never play again" after it.
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Nice Try Vipers
Posted by Luke on September 5, 2006 2:00 PM
Ice Hockey is not one of our country’s major sports - not surprising when we don’t get much in the way of frozen lakes - so clubs have to try every trick in the book to attract supporters, media coverage and sponsorship.
It’s the same for the Newcastle Diamonds Speedway, Sunderland Ladies Football Team, Newcastle Eagles Basketball and Northumbria Netball. Football, and none more so than in the North-East, rules and the rest, including other major sporting teams like the Newcastle Falcons and Durham CCC, are left to fight for what is left.
So I could not help but chuckle at the attempts being made by the owners of the Newcastle Vipers Ice Hockey team to re-brand themselves in an effort to expand their fan base.
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Temper Tantrum
Posted by Luke on September 5, 2006 5:30 PM
If you don’t leave lots of lovely comments about me on this website and regularly send me envelopes stuffed with cash I’m going to stamp my foot, send an email virus to your computer or find out your home address and sign you up to every bit of junk mail I can find.
Sorry, I was just trying out the William Gallas approach to getting what you want out of life. I won’t really do any of the above so please don’t call the police.
It’s hard to know who to believe in this Chelsea vs Gallas row isn’t it? Chelsea claim their ex-player refused to play in games and threatened to score own goals and give away penalties if he did. Given the spoilt brat nature of some Premiership footballers I can almost believe it, but something just doesn’t sit comfortably with me.
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Knowing Your Onions
Posted by Luke on September 8, 2006 3:20 PM
The sun is shining and the weather is sweet, it's just a shame Durham have had to ruin things by playing like a bunch of hungover Sunday League cricketers.
Hampshire are in complete control of the game and their captain Shane Warne - you might have heard of him, blond-haired Australian, can spin the ball a bit - has taken the proverbial P by deciding not to enforce the follow on.
Considering they were 230 runs ahead after the first innings and Durham looked totally disillusioned I can only think there are ulterior motives behind the tubby lad's decision.
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Powers Of Concentration
Posted by Luke on September 11, 2006 9:48 AM
Jermaine Jenas and Ruud Gullit have both described playing for Newcastle United as like living in a goldfish bowl, but perhaps that is why Titus Bramble feels so at home on Tyneside. After his moment of madness against Fulham some would say he has the attention span of a goldfish.
I'm probably in a minority at the moment, I actually feel a little sorry for Bramble after his late lapse in concentration - or abandonment of the principles of marking at a corner - led to Fulham's last-minute winner on Saturday.
He didn't mean to let everyone down and, if you look at the replays, he is only a whisker away from diverting the ball away from Brian McBride with his head before the American heads the ball back across goal for the agonising winner.
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Only 125 Days Until Christmas
Posted by Luke on September 11, 2006 11:37 AM
A Newcastle United supporting friend of mine told me on Friday that Sunderland losing at Derby and Newcastle winning at home to Fulham would be like breaking into a Mackems house and burning down their Christmas tree with all the presents underneath.
I'm not sure what shocked me more. The level of bitterness at the enthusiastic nature of media coverage about Roy Keane's arrival at the Stadium of Light or the reference to Christmas in September.
I've not asked him to provide me with an analogy of how it feels now that Sunderland have won at Derby and Newcastle have lost at home to Fulham. Perhaps it's the equivalent of breaking into a Geordie's house on Christmas Eve, putting plugs in all the sinks and baths and leaving all the taps on!
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The Most Persuasive Man In Football?
Posted by Luke on September 12, 2006 11:51 AM
Dwight Yorke might have once been known as the playboy prince of the Premiership but he has been brought to Sunderland to become an important part of the new management team.
Well, that’s what Roy Keane said and I’m not going to argue with him so welcome Yorkie and I hope you have every success in your role as Black Cats social manager!
Interestingly, while Keane and Yorke appear to be completely opposite characters the mutual affection between them is clear. In fact, for all of the ferocity of Keane’s competitive spirit and his intense dedication to the game he was actually a drinking buddy of Yorke’s at Old Trafford before the Irishman gave up the Guinness and became even more intense!
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Luke Who's Not Talking
Posted by Luke on September 12, 2006 8:22 PM
I'm jetting off for a short break in Budapest on Wednesday afternoon and as I'm going to be at the airport and as Newcastle United were there to fly out to Estonia to play in the Uefa Cup on Tuesday I thought I'd give you a brief guide to the Premiership footballer's tricks of the trade.
No, not for playing football you understand, for avoiding interviews and unwanted attention before boarding a flight to Europe. Given the fact that the Magpies' 2-1 home defeat to Fulham was still fresh in the memory most of the squad were at their evasive best this week.
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Heavy Petting In Budapest
Posted by Luke on September 18, 2006 3:41 PM
I'm back from my holiday and in need of another one after an all-day drinking session at Champs sports bar in central Budapest yesterday watching Sky Sports' ridiculously titled 'Grand Slam Sunday.' - or their back-to-back, over-hyped, over-sensationalised game between Chelsea and Liverpool followed by the rather more exciting Manchester United vs Arsenal clash.
The fact I don't particularly like any of the above made it a far more pleasant day for me than it was for my two Liverpool supporting mates, one of whom spent the entire Arsenal game with his head in his hands, moaning every now and again about paying £9m for Dirk Kuyt and the fact he thought he had caught a Budapest throat bug! Lucky escape for Newcastle perhaps?
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Wipe That Smirk Off Your Face!
Posted by Luke on September 18, 2006 6:24 PM
I never really had Glenn Roeder down as a wind-up merchant and I reckon it's a fairly safe bet that neither did you. So what does he do on his first return to Upton Park as a manager? Dangle a metaphorical red rag in front of a bunch of already extremely peeved West Ham fans by waving in the direction of Newcastle's supporters and punching the air in triumph.
Newcastle's manager has, of course, since apologised and in truth, he is not the sort of guy who normally indulges himself in this sort of matador-type behaviour. However, as I watched Sky's (many) television replays it is impossible to ignore the fact that, as West Ham's "tough" guys gesticulate madly in the direction of the Newcastle bench, as their faces gradually turn a funny shade of purple and police/stewards restrain them, Roeder is smirking!
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One In The Eye For Whitley Bay
Posted by Luke on September 19, 2006 6:58 PM
The leaves on the trees may still be green - that sounds a bit like a line from a bad indie band doesn’t it - but, believe it or not, the FA Cup is already up and running and grassroots football in the North-East is already attracting controversy.
A friend of mine decided to escape from the constant hype and hyperbole of the Premiership last weekend - he is arguably one of the most pessimistic of Newcastle supporters - by watching Whitley Bay vs Norton and Stockton Ancients in the First Preliminary Qualifying Round of the FA Cup.
Bovril and pies at competitive prices, defenders and referees who looked as though they had more in common with nightclub bouncers and the sort of no-holds barred, thrill a minute cup encounter which normally warms the soul on a cold winter’s day.
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Where's The Smoking Gun?
Posted by Luke on September 20, 2006 11:57 AM
As much as I enjoyed watching the BBC’s Panorama investigation into football corruption last night I couldn’t help but feel it was a bit like a 35 yard free-kick which arcs and fizzes its way on to the crossbar. The effort was an ambitious one, but ultimately it only came close to being a spectacular goal and has not actually changed the score or the complexion of the game.
The reverberations from the BBC’s hardly-earth shattering claims that dodgy transfer deals are rife in the game are still going this morning, but I still feel a little, well, deflated I guess.
Where were the brown paper bags stashed with cash? Where were the odious fat cats foolishly blurting out their own death sentences?
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If Only There Were More Like James Milner
Posted by Luke on September 20, 2006 2:17 PM
James Milner is absolutely delighted to be at Newcastle United, according to Glenn Roeder, the manager who tried to sell him to Aston Villa two weeks ago.
He’s thrilled to bits in fact, he is willing die for the shirt and he has just given his best-ever performance in the black and white stripes against West Ham. Don’t you just love the way managers gush about players when they need them to do something?
I suppose it’s a bit like a ridiculously attractive women fluttering her eyelashes at a car mechanic so that she can get a free tyre change. Flattery and flirting, two peas in the same pod.
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I'll Fight Them
Posted by Luke on September 20, 2006 4:31 PM
Sam Allardyce has claimed he will fight to clear his name after accusations, no sorry, he said lies, made by BBC investigation team about him taking bungs to facilitate transfer deals.
I assume when he said fight he means in court, not in the street, although he did once threaten to beat up Radio Five commentator Alan Green didn't he?! Should have if you ask me. Joke!
A word in your ear, though, Sammy Boy. Don't threaten anyone with violence, I think you're in enough of the sticky, smelly stuff as it is.
Will you be inviting you big-mouthed son over for dinner so you can have a nice cosy chat about it all. Wouldn't you hate to be Mrs Allardyce, poor women, torn between son and husband. It should be a plot in EastEnders and probably will be in Footballers Wives!
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Big Gob
Posted by Luke on September 21, 2006 11:29 AM
If there is one thing you can rely on in football - along with Chelsea outbidding their rivals for a transfer target - it is that Craig Bellamy will open his big gob at a bad moment.
The Welsh international has supposedly changed his ways now that he has moved to Anfield, as well as changing his supporting allegiance to Liverpool despite previously always insisting he had been a Cardiff fan as a kid, but big gobs never learn to keep it shut in the same way a leopard can never hope to lick off its spots.
I''m told the altercation in the tunnel after the 2-0 defeat were sparked when the gob on two legs suggested to former teammates they should not be too disheartened by the defeat because if they play well for Newcastle they might also get a move to a big club like he did!
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RIP Gran
Posted by Luke on September 21, 2006 1:37 PM
It is not often that I pay tribute to somebody, but if I could be so bold I would like to do so to my Gran who died last week aged 93. Elizabeth Williams was a unique woman in so many ways, but why should I write about her on a sports blog you may wonder?
Well, other than the fact I can do what I want on this site, she was, believe it or not, given my own lack of horse-riding expertise, one of the first female jockeys in the country to race with and against men.
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Pro Europe For A Change
Posted by Luke on September 21, 2006 2:04 PM
Brace yourself for war at the K Club in Dublin (is it just me or does that sound like it should be the name of a night club) - because the Ryder Cup is with us and it’s time for us Brits to pretend we consider ourselves to be European.
Let’s face it, we normally like to claim we have more in common with the SUV drivers on the other side of the Atlantic than with the croissant crunchers on the contintent, but when it comes to golf, nope we’ll be walking around claiming we’re all for Europe, the Euro and migrant workers from Eastern Europe!
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Oops I've Found The Water
Posted by Luke on September 23, 2006 9:04 PM
If you go down to the woods today you'll be sure of a big surprise. If you go down to the woods today you won't believe your eyes - Tiger Woods slicing and pulling a golf ball like an idiot!
As I speak, not only am I pretending to be European, I am also pretending I know lots about golf, although thankfully I don't have to pretend to like Americans.
If you've been watching on television, did you see the guy in the stars and stripes jumper wearing a George Bush plastic mask? What an idiot. Then it hit me, perhaps it was George Bush. Think about it.
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No More Mr Nice Guy?
Posted by Luke on September 23, 2006 9:23 PM
Sunderland have lost for the first time under Roy Keane and although there were no earthquakes, or even the sound of smashing plates, I can tell you the Black Cats boss was far from happy with his players after the 3-1 defeat at Ipswich.
How do I know? By looking at the players after the game of course. Neill Collins looked a funny shade of grey when he came out of the dressing room, Dean Whitehead looked white and Stanislav Varga looked completely disorientated - a bit like he was for Ipswich's third goal.
Grant Leadbitter spent 10 minutes running around the centre circle on his own in some sort of strange warm down routine and Dwight Yorke - not for the first time - preferred to keep what had happened behind closed doors out of the papers.
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Leave God Out Of It
Posted by Luke on September 25, 2006 10:51 AM
The United States Golf Team arrived in Dublin last week claiming God was on their side and they left with a sixth Ryder Cup defeat out of seven.
What does this tell us? Does it tell us that God cannot play Golf very well or does it suggest the preaching of their born-again Christian captain Tom Lehman was a load of old rubbish?
The funny - well not so funny - thing is, when Islamic fundamentalists claim God is on their side, Americans tend to bristle with indignation, but when they come over to play a game of Golf they claim the All Mighty is waving a stars and stripes flag with his golf clubs thrown over his other shoulder.
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Goodbye Mr Bond...
Posted by Luke on September 26, 2006 3:37 PM
Bond could feel the heat of the laser at it edged ever closer to the painful region between his legs and the trickle of sweat as it dripped off his forehead and on to the mahogany table in the gleaming Newcastle United boardroom.
Bond knew he was in trouble, the evidence against him did not look good and for once it did not seem likely that he would be able to talk himself out of trouble.
“Do you expect me to talk Goldfinger?” asked Bond as Goldfinger turned away from him and headed for the exit door.
“No Mr Bond, I Expect You To Die,” he replied, as he calmly tossed him his P45, opened the boardroom door and shut it firmly behind him.
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Don't Trouble Yourself
Posted by Luke on September 27, 2006 12:47 PM
So Celestine Babayaro has pulled out of the squad for Newcastle United’s Uefa Cup game against Levadia Tallinn because he has suffered a slight groin strain - somehow you suspect ‘slight’ is the operative word.
If there are players who would put their hand in the fire for the team - Scott Parker and James Milner spring to mind - there are those who simply wouldn’t put their hand anywhere near the fireplace, whether there was a fire in it or not and I’m afraid I’m starting to believe Celestine is one of them.