Goodbye Mr Bond...
Bond could feel the heat of the laser at it edged ever closer to the painful region between his legs and the trickle of sweat as it dripped off his forehead and on to the mahogany table in the gleaming Newcastle United boardroom.
Bond knew he was in trouble, the evidence against him did not look good and for once it did not seem likely that he would be able to talk himself out of trouble.
“Do you expect me to talk Goldfinger?� asked Bond as Goldfinger turned away from him and headed for the exit door.
“No Mr Bond, I Expect You To Die,� he replied, as he calmly tossed him his P45, opened the boardroom door and shut it firmly behind him.
Alright, so this conversation never took place at St James’s Park, it only ever took place in a fictional book and in a seminal action-adventure movie.
This is a figment of my imagination, nobody died or was hurt. Newcastle’s former assistant manager is called Kevin, not James and Freddie Shepherd is not an international terrorist like the fictional character in Ian Fleming’s famous spy series.
It’s just, what with the name Bond and with Shepherd sharing a passing resemblance to the actor Gert Fröbe who played Goldfinger in the 1964 movie, my rather vivid imagination got the better of me. I’m sorry.
Kevin Bond has become the first actual casualty of the BBC Panorama investigation into corruption ad bungs in football when Newcastle United terminated his contract on Monday. Bond was recorded by a BBC reporter talking about ......
I’m sure you would like me to have my say on what I think about all this. I would like to as well because it does all seem more than a little murky.
In fact, if you’ve ever seen a really muddy pond full of stagnant water, that’s how murky it is. But for legal reasons - the expression mine field and blowing my private bits into little pieces springs to mind - I have gagged myself, which isn’t easy I can tell you.
All I’ll say is that Bond has been sacked, presumably because of the Panorama programme and he’s not happy about it because he feels he has been sacked because of claims made in the programme - claims he insists are false and which he is taking the BBC to court for.
But please feel free to have your say.
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Luke Edwards - is Chief Sports Writer of The Journal and uses his blog to give a unique and entertaining insight into events at Newcastle United and Sunderland.
I think most fans realise that football is still a rather nasty place where flawed opinions, faulted leadership, blindness and loyalty, and murky doings crawl like Gollum through the sewers of power, the evil pie monsters hunger leaving the table bare of even the crumbs for fans. People always want a little bit more, why? Why do we not understand the reasons? Money is easy for them, they don’t really work for a living do they? They have as much in common with the average supporter as...as, two very dissimilar things. Is Bond the only one, Hell no! He is unhappy because he knows he’s not, he's unhappy because he got caught.
I have just seen the back page of the journal this morning and it beats me why your sports editor thinks that a picture of Arsenal emblazoned across it will help the Newspapers sales, I was so horrified that I used the money to buy a curly wurly instead. My question Luke is Curly Wurly or Snickers?
Note From Luke
Obviously Curly Wurlys will always hold a special place in my heart because they were the cheap chocolate bar of my childhood, but, come on, a Snickers is packed with peanuts and lashing of milk chocolate - enough to keep you satisfied between meals. A Curly Wurly is a bit basic and chewy for my liking and doesn't really fill you up.
That article was pathetic; even by Luke’s own low standards. Why doesn't he leave the comedy (relating Bond to Bond, genius! how long did that take you) to those that can do it at a time that is appropriate. Newcastle Utd is again heading down a troublesome path, now isn't the time for bad comedy.
Questions need asking!
What I would like to see from Luke or someone from the Chronicle is some serious Journalism.
Start asking some real questions such as: Why has Tommy Craig left his successful role as undefeated reserve coach? or Why a few years ago was Freddy prepared to sell "if the right bidder comes along" but now he stubbornly refuses to sell up, despite apparent offers.
Why is a man with such a bad track record at selecting managers still allowed to run the show?
These pages would be of more use if Luke used to find out what readers want to know and then went to ask the questions!
Thanks
Richard
Note from Luke
Thanks for your comments, but I'm sorry you don't appear to have a sense of humour.
The whole point of this blog is to take a quirky look at the issues and let you have your say on them, which you have done.
You have highlighted some serious issues, but if the club won't answer the questions you have asked what can we do? Enquiries about Craig receive a no comment and the chairman is entitled to remain in charge of the club until he receives a firm and acceptable offer for his shares. As I understand it, despite speculation, no offer has been made.
If you have problems with the way the club is run, you can continue to leave your comments here, or I suggest writing letters directly to the club
As for bad comedy, you don't find me funny, but hopefully some people do?!
It's alright Luke, I think you're funny!
Richard's right, however, there some serious questions that need to be asked about the running of NUFC, starting with the chairman.
Who reckons that Newcastle United will be one of the clubs named by the Stevens Report as having conducted "dubious" transfer dealings? Just a thought.