Knowing Your Onions

Posted by Luke on September 8, 2006 3:20 PM | Permalink

The sun is shining and the weather is sweet, it's just a shame Durham have had to ruin things by playing like a bunch of hungover Sunday League cricketers.

Hampshire are in complete control of the game and their captain Shane Warne - you might have heard of him, blond-haired Australian, can spin the ball a bit - has taken the proverbial P by deciding not to enforce the follow on.

Considering they were 230 runs ahead after the first innings and Durham looked totally disillusioned I can only think there are ulterior motives behind the tubby lad's decision.

Perhaps they're staying in a nice hotel, perhaps he has another book signing in the region tonight, or perhaps the Hampshire team had a vote and decided they'd rather watch England play Pakistan in the dressing room rather than go through the formality of bowling Durham out for a second time.

Alternatively, perhaps Warnie has found the local Gregg's bakery.... I don't know whether the all-conquering purveyors of pasties has made it to the south coast yet and I'm pretty certain they ain't got corned beef pasties Down Under.

However, while we're on the subject of Durham, can someone please explain to me why England decided to call Graham Onions into the one day squad this week?

They don't appear to have any intention of playing him against Pakistan, but Durham have had to make do without their best bowler in this game, a game which could have a huge say in whether they are in the First or Second Division of the County Championship next season.

Considering Durham have provided more players for the national side than any other this year - four - don't you think England have taken the proverbial P by depriving them of Onions for such a crucial game?

If it was Newcastle United chairman Freddie Shepherd, he'd be demanding financial compensation. Cricket, though, is a far more genteel game and even a typically straight-talking Yorkshireman like Durham coach Martyn Moxon just grins and bares it.

Well I don't want to grin and bare it and say how great it is for Durham that they've provided so many players for the national side.

I want to rant and rave about the injustice of it all. What's the point in doing your best for England if they don't do the best for you?

What's the point in developing your own talent if they are taken away at crucial moments in the season just to wear an England tracksuit, sit in the stands and give national newspapers the chance to write witty headlines about Knowing Your Onions etc...etc..

Ah well, here comes the ice cream van, that should cool me down. Hampshire, by the way, are already 29 without loss and Neil Killeen has just been spanked to the boundary for four....