Oops I've Found The Water
If you go down to the woods today you'll be sure of a big surprise. If you go down to the woods today you won't believe your eyes - Tiger Woods slicing and pulling a golf ball like an idiot!
As I speak, not only am I pretending to be European, I am also pretending I know lots about golf, although thankfully I don't have to pretend to like Americans.
If you've been watching on television, did you see the guy in the stars and stripes jumper wearing a George Bush plastic mask? What an idiot. Then it hit me, perhaps it was George Bush. Think about it.
George W likes a game of golf, sure he prefers shooting things and oil, but he does like a round every now and again. And I'm sure he must love the Ryder Cup because even I've been hooked on it.
As a patriot he'd want to offer his support to the boys and it would be the perfect disguise to protect him from a terrorist attack because nobody would expect the REAL George Bush to attend the Ryder Cup with a mask of himself on his face would they?
Mind you, the last time he shouted "Get In The Hole" so happily was when he was watching footage of one of the US Military's Bunker Buster bombs hurtling towards Baghdad during the invasion of Iraq.
Anyway, we (Europe) are 10-6 going into the final day and surely we'll be sending George Bush's boys back across the Atlantic with the stars and stripes shoved.......
Europe, with Ian Woosnam as captain - did you know he is a former bouncer from Swansea. No, me neither but he is - look in complete control. However, so did the captain of the Titantic so keep an eye open for Icebergs please boys.
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Luke Edwards - is Chief Sports Writer of The Journal and uses his blog to give a unique and entertaining insight into events at Newcastle United and Sunderland.
On the subject of Golf, does anyone at Thompson House Know why Tommy Craig departed from Newcastle United? You don't have to publish it in the Chronicle or Journal, just tell me, It can be our little secret. I promise I wont tell a soul or attempt to publish it on any of the message boards, Honest.
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Cross my heart and hope to die, I don't know why Tommy Craig has left but I think I can hazard a guess why Kevin Bond has!
So Luke, when was the last time you saw an iceberg on a golf course.
Don't answer that, I'm sure you'll come up with some smart-arsed response about playing golf in Alaska!
Really enjoyed this piece though. I wonder if George W will still be in charge by the time the next Ryder Cup takes place. Let's hope not!