Have you noticed how the leaves are starting to change colour on the trees and how the wind carries a little bit of a chill as you step out of your front door? Yes, that's right, autumn is upon us and it is time to start worrying about Trick or Treaters, stray fireworks and, if you're really organised - or sad depending on your viewpoint - Christmas presents.
If you're a sports fan it is probably also time to start worrying about the long term health of your team as the long winter nights draw in and the warm summer feelings of hope, excitement and expectation disappear.
It's amazing how quickly we can all become pessimistic isn't it. Sunderland fans will perhaps already be fearing the Roy Keane bandwagon has lost a wheel following the defeat at Ipswich. Newcastle fans are already scared that a season of mid-table mediocrity punctured by the false expectation of thrilling cup runs beckons and followers of the Newcastle Falcons will be worrying about a lightweight front row and yet another injury to Jonny Wilkinson.
In an effort to lift the mood, here is my positive thinking guide to counteract the depression and angst of autumn, whether it comes in the form of an under-performing football team or irritating chubby kids interrupting your evening's entertainment by demanding sweets at Halloween.
Newcastle United
Don't worry Toon Army addicts, it is far too soon to be panicking. A pre-Christmas run - alright so it will probably have to wait until after the annual humiliation at Old Trafford on Sunday - will see Glenn Roeder's side leap into the top eight alongside a comfotable passage into the knock out stages of the Uefa Cup, a competition you will win in May.
Titus Bramble will bounce back from his embarrassing slump in form, performing wonders to earn himself a new contract and, in 12 months time, a shock England call up. He will join Scott Parker who, following a freak injury to Frank "I always shoot, but rarely score" Lampard, will become a permanent fixture in Steve McClaren's England side.
Obafemi Martins will do an Andy Cole and prove that strikers who need three or four chances to score are still lethal in their own way and Kieron Dyer will never have another injury in a black and white shirt!
Sunderland
Roy Keane will prove to be the ideal manager, a complex blend of continental sophistication and traditional British blood and thunder. Think Arsene Wenger and Sir Alex Ferguson's love child and you'll have some idea of what I mean.
Sunderland will break record after record in the Championship, goals, points, undefeated runs, bookings, sendings off, attendances and number of Irish players at an English club. The Stadium of Light will be packed for every game and Ronaldo will sign on a free transfer from Real Madrid in January, being persuaded to move to England when he bumped into Dwight Yorke at a Christmas Party.
Newcastle Falcons
So you've lost Rob Andrew, who cares? New Director of Rugby John Fletcher is just as capable and will unveil a revolutionary new diet regime which will beef up a lightweight front row and revolutionise the team's scrumaging capabilities.
Jonny Wilkinson will have endured his last injury setback, eventually slotting into a devastating back row to ensure the club don't have any relegation worries and lift one of the cups.
Andrew, meanwhile, has an equally impressive impact on the national side and England win the World Cup in France in 2007, beating Australia again in the final. Coming so soon after England's cricketers retain the Ashes, this prompts much self-loathing and a day of national mourning Down Under.
Trick or Treaters
For those of you who see this American-imported tradition as harmless fun, buy a bag of assorted sweets from your local supermarket and keep it by the door so that every time the obese little kiddies come knocking you can give them a present with a smile and wish them a happy Halloween.
For those of who see this American-imported tradition as an annoyance, buy a high-powered pistol (of the water variety) from your local store and keep it by the door so that every time you get a knock on the door you can wipe the smiles of their fat, little faces by squirting water into their big, greedy gobs! Alternatively, pelt them with flour and eggs and then laugh as they cry!
Please note the latter may lead to reprisals and/or visits from angry parents. Either apologise or use the water pistol on them while lecturing them on the need for their children to go on a diet.
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