It is quite an achievement to get mugged when you don't tend to move off the sofa and haven't left the house in almost a week, but I've still managed to become the victim of this most unpleasant of crimes.
You see, I already pay for Sky Television and I pay extra to watch Sky Sports, justified to my girlfriend as a vital tool of the job, but that still wasn't enough for me to gain access to coverage of Newcastle's drab 0-0 draw with Charlton Athletic on Saturday evening.
Oh no, I needed to stump up some more cash for that particular privilege and at £8 I wish I hadn't bothered!
For my hard-earned £8 I got to listen to Alan Curbishley sitting on a fence, desperately trying not to upset his former club Charlton while also trying not to annoy Newcastle United.
In fact, Curbishley managed to say virtually nothing of interest, praising Charlton's endeavour while also waxing lyrical about what a magnificent club Newcastle is, how great the fans are, how spectacular the stadium is, what talented players they have and how the city should have been named European Captital of Culture for 2008 rather than Liverpool.
Alright, I made the last bit up, but you couldn't help but suspect that Curbishley, who is looking for a new job after completing a six month break after resigning as manager of Charlton, already had one eye on a potential vacancy at St James's Park.
Anyway... Having splashed out my £8 I watched as Newcastle's performance gradually deteriorated. United began well, played some good passing football and dominated the first half.
The problem is they can't score goals and, as I have argued since the close of the transfer window, the squad is too light on numbers and quality to cope with even a minor injury crisis.
Bolstering a strike force with only the untried Obafemi Martins and a midfielder Antoine Sibierski always looked like a gamble and, with Newcastle's position at the bottom of the table worsening as a result of their failure to beat the Premiership's bottom club at the weekend, it looks an increasingly costly one.
Given Roeder's lack of options, Europe is looking like an unwanted burden at the moment, but as I said last week, the cups are the only things that are likely to save Newcastle's season.
Palermo are daunting Uefa Cup opposition, but at least a sunshine trip to Sicily will provide a welcome break from domestic depression.
Sadly, I will not be going. Nope, I'll be watching some more daytime television and playing a few more computer games. I'm quite good at Tiger Woods Golf now and I don't even play golf!
I've become so bored I've started watching Coronation Street and I'm even contemplating an evening watching the National Television Awards on Wednesday night, although my Sky subscription does at least mean I can watch the Champions League.
I don't have to pay extra for that either!
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