The program is pretty good, the idea was a novel one and my brother Daniel does a wonderful job producing the show but for’s pity’s sake, how can The Match come back to St James’s Park for a fourth year when the Match itself is so, to be blunt, utter crap?
The third offering from Sky One’s reality television show was, plain and simply, embarrassing as a team of Legends who had, I can exclusively reveal, been out on the town until the early hours of Sunday morning, comfortably beat a team of C-List celebrities managed by a failed former England manager.
The 52,000 saddos who packed out St James’s Park on Sunday were so bored they went to the bar or did a Mexican wave as the celebs - and a I use that term generously - ran around lots and the ex-pros did very little running but made sure they kept the ball the whole time. Great entertainment.
So what happens next? Self-styled bad boy celeb Harvey goes around kicking people, self-styled soccer hard man David Batty does the same, Harvey snaps and starts a fight and then the tragic clown prince Paul Gascoigne enters stage right to amuse everyone with a silly dance. Hilarious!
The sooner Newcastle United’s stadium and multi-million pound training facilities are used for what they are actually intended, - producing the best Newcastle team possible - the better.
As for The Match, why don’t the “celebs” play another team of “celebs” next year and let’s film it next to a North Korean nuclear test site.
No, seriously, each team of “celebs” could have a maximum of four Legends in it and we might actually get a game worth watching! The programme format could stay the same, you still get the whole “celebrity” thing, the middle-aged footballers reliving former glories and the supposedly tense voting off the show, but the end product will finally do it justice.
Now watch my brother nick that idea and take all the credit.... just like when we were kids. You just wait until I tell mum how much you've been drinking these last three weeks.
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