November 2006 Archives

Some would say Albert Luque's Newcastle United career has been as painful to watch as a car crash, but the unfortunate Spaniard had a lucky escape from one before the Magpies Uefa Cup clash with Eintracht Frankfurt.

Not that Glenn Roeder seemed to be in the least bit bothered by the news that Graeme Souness' £9.5m signing from Deportivo La Coruna had just had a near-death experience! In fact, had the unwanted forward been in the car, instead of outside making a phone call, he might have been in serious trouble.

"He's an experienced person and I don't think he will allow something like this is unsettle him," said United's manager in his pre-match press conference. "He's fine and he'll play against Frankfurt."

Oh okay, that's alright then. A lorry smashes into the back of his car, which, if he had been in it, could have led to a serious injury, but he's fine, not a scratch. Moving on.

I hear Luque is almost certainly on his way in January, with both Villareal and Real Betis wanting to take him back to La Liga. Although no news from Barcelona, mind you the thought of the reigning European Champions wanting him after such a disastrous spell in England did seem a little far-fetched!

It is sometimes called verbal sparring, sometimes it is referred to as a bit of banter, but in Australia it is an art form called sledging. Australians like winning and they like beating England, but they love talking about it even more.

As far as the Australian cricket team is concerned, personal abuse and family abuse are all considered fair game when it comes to psychological warfare in sport and it seems this Ashes series is already starting to turn ugly.

During the epic Ashes series last summer, one of the defining images, like Pele swapping shirts with Bobby Moore at the 1970 World Cup, was Freddie Flintoff taking time to console a devastated Brett Lee before he celebrated England’s crucial victory at Trent Bridge.

It was great moment of sportsmanship and epitomised everything that is good about a fiercely contested, but ultimately fair-minded sporting rivalry.

That, at least, is the English view. In Australia it was seen as weakness and one of the main accusations made about Ricky Ponting’s team when they went home without the little urn was they had been too friendly with the English players.

At times, supporting Newcastle United can seem like you are suffering from permanent Seasonal Adjustment Disorder - or SAD for short..

You know what I mean, all dark clouds of depression, dreary forecasts and the shivers of foreboding. Well, I think it’s only fair to suggest that, after an awful start to the season, there are some welcome rays of sunshine to brighten things up and provide a little warm feeling as we had into the Festive season.

I’ve certainly had my misgivings about this campaign, as regular readers of this blog will know. The small size of the squad, the major blunders in the summer in terms of transfers and the nagging suspicion that a few injuries would send Newcastle sliding towards relegation.

In fact, my bout of SAD started before the leaves on the trees starting turning brown and long before anyone had to clear any ice off their windscreens.

A thoroughly deserved Newcastle United victory was sadly overshadowed last night by one of the worst fashion faux paxs ever seen on a football field.

Now, Newcastle have known a thing or two about bad hairstyles through the years - Kevin Keegan's dodgy perm, Chris Waddle's spiky mullet and Peter Beardsley's pudding bowl cut spring readily to mind - so where better for David James to join their illustrious ranks with a chemically straightened, side parting effort which made him look like an extra from a 1920s silent movie.

Quite what was going through the former England international's mind when he swaggered into his favourite salon is unclear, although given the fact James once put his bad form at Liverpool down to spending too much time playing computer games, it's a fair bet to suggest the Portsmouth stopper is a couple of sandwiches short of a picnic if you know what I mean!

“And in comes Harmison to bowl the first ball of the Ashes 2006, he bowls and (pause) it’s gone straight to second slip, ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha,� crash, bang, wallop, “oops, sorry listeners, I’ve just fallen off my chair I was laughing so hard.�

As a first ball goes, Steve Harmison’s was an absolute, unmitigated disaster and the Durham man’s next 11 overs were not much better.

In 2005, his first ball reared up off the pitch and caught Justin Langer on the hand. It set the tone for the series, the Australians were on the back foot, 18 months later and they are on the front foot, giggling and chuckling into their small glasses of Fosters!

At 346-3, Australia already look as though they have ended any vague English hopes of a victory in the First Test in Brisbane. It’s depressing and, in Great British sporting tradition, a complete anti-climax.

He sneaked into the building undetected, sensibly dressed in the perfect night camouflage of a black top and dark jeans, carefully avoiding eye contact with anyone who might blow his cover as he spotted an empty seat and slid into it, beckoning his attractive female companion to join him.

After years of practice, such stealth came naturally, a crucial skill in a world of unwanted attention. And, then, suddenly disaster, his cover was blown, a cry went up, a finger was pointed... it’s Alan Shearer!

Shearer looked up, confused. “How could my cover have been blown?� he (possibly) asked himself, as he smiled sheepishly at the staring crowd. And then it hit him, it was all Steve Harper and his bright stripy tops fault!

Did you know that Newcastle United’s former - and greatly missed - captain is a massive James Bond fan? Nope, neither did I, but he is and, like me, decided Tuesday night, after the initial crowds had thinned, would be the perfect time to see the new movie Casino Royale.

Accompanied by his wife and close - but not very careful - friend Harper, Shearer is used to the finger pointing and staring and was utterly unfazed as he perfectly timed his entry to within a few seconds of the film starting. You see, arrive late equals arrive undetected, at least it would if Harps hadn’t blown things for him!

Unexpected, unseen and, possibly unfathomable given recent performances in the Premiership, but Newcastle’s draw at Arsenal has been wholeheartedly welcomed as everything from a point proved, to a point gained to a pointer to the good times ahead for Glenn Roeder’s side.

Let me get one thing clear straight away, the draw at Arsenal was a magnificent result and proof that, after a handful of insipid displays at home, Newcastle’s players are clearly still determined to play for their manager and haul the club out of the terrible league position they have fallen into during the first third of the campaign.

It was a result achieved through grit and determination, but there was also flashes of real quality as well, from the usual suspects, Shay Given, Kieron Dyer and Scott Parker, but also from supposed misfits like Titus Bramble, Nicky Butt and, perhaps most encouragingly of all, from the £10m striker Obafemi Martins.

As regular readers of this site will know, I’m never one to say I told you so (sic), but I told you Kieron Dyer could be the difference between Championship and Premiership football next season! The midfielder has revitalised the side and, if he maintains this sort of form, I honestly don’t believe United will have anything to worry about in terms of relegation.

Roy Keane is a very charming and intelligent man who has, perhaps to our surprise, been very honest and articulate in his press duties during his time at Sunderland.

But he’s not really one for what might be called small talk. With the Ashes about to start in Australia and because of a vague memory I had of seeing Keane at the Old Trafford Test match with Gary Neville last year, I thought it would be nice to have a bit of a chat about England’s chances Down Under.

I was further convinced when one of my colleagues, former Journal cricket correspondent Jason Mellor, now of the Wardle Agency, threw into the pre-press conference conversation that Keane was good friends with England and Lancashire all rounder Andrew Flintoff.

An opportunity for a bit of light-hearted banter to welcome me back on to the press circuit beckoned and, although Roy did not seem to be in the best of moods, criticising the delay in Ireland’s move from Lansdowne Road while slamming the behaviour of Ipswich Town manager Jim Magilton following the cancellation of Tommy Miller’s move to Portman Road, I pressed ahead.

I don’t think there has been a Newcastle United player in the last decade who has divided opinion as much as Kieron Dyer. Vital playmaking cog for some, over-rated playboy for others, but here’s a thought...

Did you know that when Kieron Dyer’s contract runs out in just under three years time he will be entitled to a testimonial after ten years at St James’s Park?

Should the 27-year-old remain on Tyneside for that long there is unlikely to be the same out-pouring of hero worship seen at Alan Shearer’s farewell bash in the summer, but Dyer, for all of his injury problems, off-field scraps and apparent ability to provoke controversy in an empty room, is absolutely vital to Glenn Roeder.

Graeme Souness made plenty of mistakes as Newcastle manager and some would say giving the notoriously injury-troubled Dyer a lucrative four-year contract was one of them. But, so good were his performances, that if you ask the Scot today what cost him his job at St James’s Park he will say Dyer’s hamstrings.

Roy Keane’s appointment as Sunderland manager was supposed to start a revolution at the Stadium of Light. It did, unfortunately, having enjoyed early success as they stormed the barricades, the Black Cats revolution has lost momentum because somebody forgot to pack any ammunition.

The early impetus produced early rewards, but when you are firing blanks in front of goal it’s pretty hard to continue to gain ground.

It would be easy for some to start doubting whether Keane’s arrival is going to have the immense impact first predicted, but I don’t think the recent stumbles are anything to get too worried about. To the contrary, I think they will benefit the club and Keane in the long term.

The former Manchester United captain does not have the Midas touch - but turning everything you touch into gold, while novel and extremely profitable, is not really necessary as a football manager. Far better to profit through trial and error, construction and regeneration.