It is sometimes called verbal sparring, sometimes it is referred to as a bit of banter, but in Australia it is an art form called sledging. Australians like winning and they like beating England, but they love talking about it even more.
As far as the Australian cricket team is concerned, personal abuse and family abuse are all considered fair game when it comes to psychological warfare in sport and it seems this Ashes series is already starting to turn ugly.
During the epic Ashes series last summer, one of the defining images, like Pele swapping shirts with Bobby Moore at the 1970 World Cup, was Freddie Flintoff taking time to console a devastated Brett Lee before he celebrated England’s crucial victory at Trent Bridge.
It was great moment of sportsmanship and epitomised everything that is good about a fiercely contested, but ultimately fair-minded sporting rivalry.
That, at least, is the English view. In Australia it was seen as weakness and one of the main accusations made about Ricky Ponting’s team when they went home without the little urn was they had been too friendly with the English players.
Clearly they are determined not to leave themselves open to such a charge this time and every England player has privately commented on the amount of abuse the Australians were dishing out in Brisbane. We’ve already seen Kevin Pietersen exchanging unpleasantries with his supposed pal Shane Warne after the spinner threw the ball at him in frustration.
But, for some, like Geraint Jones, it went too far and England’s wicketkeeper did not shake the hands of the Australian team following their 277 run victory in the First Test because of the abuse he had received during the game.
Well, instead of sulking about it, I’ve come up with a few ripostes for the Australians. Some are original, some are not, but here we go.
To an Aussie jibe:
Shut up and go play with a Stingray...
I don’t want to be out here too long because I’m worried about my stuff getting nicked in the dressing room.
Have you spoken to your ex-wife Warnie? Or shall I pass on a message when she comes to my hotel room this evening.
How’s Your Sister Ricky? Or is it your wife. I never can tell with you Tasmanians.
Why Don’t I bowl you a piano and see if you can play that.
You’re so fat Warnie you must have been comfort eating since you lost the Ashes.
The list could go on and on, but the only way England are really going to shut the Aussies up is with a drastic improvement in their performance in Adelaide.
I’d like to see an Australian batsman making a wise crack when Steve Harmison has just sent a nasty bouncer into their chin as he did to Ricky Ponting at Lords last summer and I don’t think Warne will have much to say if he keeps being smashed back over his head for six.
Alternatively, if results keep going badly and the sledging keeps on coming, how about cracking the fielder at short leg over the head with your bat? Or is that just not cricket?
Alternatively, if you have any abuse you'd like to aim at the Australian cricket team, feel free to leave a comment!
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