January 2007 Archives

The months of waiting are over, Newcastle United have finally managed to sign someone in the transfer window, an American international who was not deemed to be good enough by Middlesbrough

But no, that is unfair and judgemental and, unlike certain white trash former occupants of the Celebrity Big Brother house, I am not like that.

Talking of Celebrity Big Brother, there was something fantastic about seeing that fraud Jade Goody committing career suicide wasn't there? You can take the girl out of Bermondsey, but you can't take Bermondsey out the girl!

As for Danielle whatever her name is, anyone who thinks that Teddy Sheringham is sexy, deserves everything they get. Oh and Big Brothers bosses, when you were thinking of getting a member of S Club 7 on the show, you should have gone for Rachel Stevens, she's fit and I bet she's not racist either!

Anyway, back to Mr Onyewu...

For anyone who remembers what happened to Newcastle United's Michael Owen while on England duty last summer, the return of Jonny Wilkinson to the international fold will have sent a shiver down the spine this week.

Lest we forget, Owen played just 11 times for Newcastle following a £17m pound move from Real Madrid and then ruled himself out for virtually an entire second season when he caught his knee in the German grass and - to use a medical term - screwed his knee cap!

There are some United fans who mockingly refer to the club's record signing as England's Michael Owen, such is the fascination of the national media with his international, rather than club career. But it is Newcastle who pay his extravagent wages and Newcastle who have to fix him when he's broken, not England.

As for Wilkinson, he's had more comebacks than Duran Duran, Take That, East 17 and All Saints, but the brutal statistics are, since he kicked the winning drop goal in Rugby's World Cup Final in 2003, Wilko has not played a single second of international rugby and has only managed a few hours in a Newcastle Falcons shirt.

The clock is ticking as the transfer window dwindles down from a month, to days to only hours and still Newcastle have failed to sign a single player, even on loan.

Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear, the centre back, the left back and striker the squad so desperately needs are still nowhere to be seen and the ticking clock might just end up being the sound of a bomb ready to explode underneath the club.

Out of both domestic cup competitions, still in the bottom half of the Premiership and still with only one recognised striker, Obafemi Martins, fit and available.

Still without a specialist left back to cover for the "injury" prone Celestine Babayaro and still without the commanding, experienced centre back to play alongside the promising youngsters at the club.

Newcastle United are still refusing to show their hand in the transfer market, which begs the question what sort of hand are they holding? Is it a busted flush or a pack of aces.

Are the Magpies hierarchy simply bluffing about the fact they might not be able to sign anyone permanently this month or are they really going to fold with more than four months of the season left to play?

Certainly, the comments coming out of, and going into, St James’s Park in recent days will not have filled supporters with confidence.

Top targets like Curtis Davies and Anton Ferdinand joining the likes of Peter Crouch and Wes Brown in distancing themselves from any move, while Glenn Roeder has begun to sound like a manager who fears he will only be able to sign two players on loan to bolster his creaking squad.

Roeder insists “he has not given up� on making a permanent signing, but admitted “it’s proving difficult� to get clubs to sell their best players.

As for chairman Freddie Shepherd, he has been notable only by his silence on all matters transfer, preferring instead to challenge the Hall family, the majority shareholders, to make their intentions clear about the future ownership of the club. Fair enough, we’d all like to know what they’re up to, but back to the transfers if you please...

I doubt whether there would be a better North-East sports story than a tale about an angry clash between Newcastle legend Alan Shearer and Sunderland’s legend in the making Roy Keane. Well praise the Lord, Allah, Buddha and the various Hindu Gods and Goddesses, because I’ve got one.

Well, sort of. I mean, I doubt whether we are going to see a repeat of their infamous scrap at St James’s Park in September 2001 when Keane threw the ball at Alan’s head, Alan called him an idiot, Keane lost it, threw a punch and had to be restrained by renowned international tough guy David Beckham.

But, half a decade later, has Roy taken another pop at Newcastle’s very own “Local Hero� or is the row down to more spin than a Shane Warne googly?

You are probably all aware of the row which has erupted over Emre's alleged racist comments at Everton last month and the ensuing accusation that Glenn Roeder was involved in trying to cover up the incident.

Both Emre and Roeder strongly deny the accusations and will fight them at an FA hearing, but they are, nonetheless, embarrassing for the club, particularly as they have come just a couple of weeks after Roeder insisted any player found guilty of racist behaviour should be banned for at least six months.

Legally, commenting on these matters is a minefield and we will have to wait until after the FA hearing at the end of the month before all the details emerge, but I have two general points to make.

Firstly, what do you think this has done for team morale considering the number of black players at Newcastle United?

Secondly, given the Birmingham FA Cup debacle, Newcastle need to be concentrating all their efforts on playing football. The last thing they need is an extremely serious FA charge to contend with.

What was that about Newcastle United and soap operas?

My mum always told me not to say "I told you so", but she told me a lot of things when I was growing up, so much information to absorb, so easy to forget, so - I told you Newcastle United would not win anything with kids.

There are many words you can use for Newcastle 5-1 hammering at the hands of Birmingham City, at home, to a team playing a division below them. Here are a few: humiliating, catastrophe, disaster, embarrassing, farce, woeful, capitulation and dreadful.

Believe it or not I take no pleasure in being proven right because, to be honest, I did not see it coming. I always thought it was potentially tricky tie and a tricky replay, but I never predicted such a major collapse by a team which has spent so long defying the odds this season.

My point is, however, that you can only defy the odds for so long with spirit and endeavour; you can only paper over the cracks for so long before things start to collapse and you cannot hope to win things with a squad which uses so many players straight out of the youth and reserve teams in key positions.

Glenn Roeder and Freddie Shepherd knew they needed to strengthen during the January transfer window and they have - for various reasons - not done so. I'd like to know exactly who they've tried to sign and why the deals haven't happened.

According to Glenn Roeder, he would rather “go to war� with kids. According to Freddie Shepherd the kids have a “burning passion to wear the black and white shirt.�

Firstly, I wouldn’t want to go to war with kids. That is morally dubious and unlikely to be successful. I’d rather go to war with a state-of-the-art army, air-force and navy, ideally backed up by some secret laser weapon which zaps people from space. Secondly, I don’t think anyone would be willing to set themselves alight just to wear a black and white shirt.

Oh, I get it, Newcastle’s manager and chairman are talking about how well the club’s young players have done this season. War, obviously being a common analogy drawn in football - in the trenches, aerial bombardment, attacking forays, the list is endless - and “burning passion� is presumably a metaphor for those who feel strongly about things.

As this is blog entry 101 of Luke Who’s Talking I thought it would be the perfect opportunity, given the television show Room 101, to vent my spleen about the things that irritate me in North-East sport.

From Sunderland’s litter problem at the Stadium of Light to Jonny Wilkinson’s fragile physique, from Newcastle Eagles star Jeremy Hyatt’s numerous second chances to Newcastle United’s obsession with “Geordie anthems� before kick off.

I’m sure there will be some of my dislikes you agree with and some that you don’t, but here goes...

In the black and white corner - or mauve and blue - is the Salford scrapper Nicky Butt, former England international and heavyweight Premiership contender. In the white and blue corner is the French fairy Pascal Chimbonda, the deserter of Wigan and World Cup waster. Ding Ding Round One.

With my serious journalists hat on I should take the moral high ground and condemn the disgraceful scenes at White Hart Lane, the terrible violence and the awful example it set for the youth of today.

Premiership footballers are role models and they should not be fighting and neither should they be caught clearly on television cameras screaming obscenities at each other. Tut tut, hang your heads in shame!

However, with my serious journalist hat cast aside - it never fitted me on this site - I say go on boys, get stuck in. Are you going to stand for that Butty? Are you? Are You? He just slapped you, like a girl admittedly, but it was a slap....to your face!

That's it Nicky, you get yourself after him, throw off James Milner's comforting arm and hit him with a volley of verbal abuse for good measure and get after the Frenchie with the braids in his hair. Look, he's waiting for you in the tunnel. Way hay, fight, fight, fight!