Sunderland are, quite rightly, basking in the glory of signing Anthony Stokes from Arsenal and Roy Keane’s remarkable powers of persuasion (see September archive) are once again the talk of football.
Well, far be it for me to put a pin in their balloon, rain on their parade, detract from their achievements, put rat poison in their drinks at the celebration party or generally criticise what promises to be a wonderful signing, but I’d have done far better.
You are probably thinking “Don’t be so stupid you idiot� or words to that effect, but it’s true. I’d have been able to persuade the much-talked about teenager to drop down to the Championship, no problem.
Better still, I wouldn’t have spent £2m on him, I’d have managed to persuade Arsene Wenger to let him go on a free transfer.
With all due respect Roy, I don’t think you would have been able to get him to do all that if you were manager of Leyton Orient would you?
Of course, I’m not actually a manager, I don’t have any coaching qualifications (unlike my girlfriend who has a certificate from McDonalds which says she is qualified to coach her primary school football team. Not worth the paper it’s written on of course! ) and I’m certainly not in charge of my beloved Leyton Orient.
Nope, like thousands of other frustrated - and ever so slightly sad - football managers I am talking about my achievements in Football Manager, the football management simulation game nicknamed “relationship wrecker� by hopeless addicts.
I wouldn’t say I was an addict, but then again I suppose I am sometimes guilty of wasting away the supposed glory days of my late twenties sat in front of a computer screen, dissecting player stats, tinkering with tactics and - and this really is sad - occasionally cheering goals for my team and making up chants for my favourite players!
Alarmingly, the other day, when I saw Danny Collins at Sunderland's training ground I almost patted him on the back and thanked him for his efforts after the Welsh international played a crucial role in last season's League One title winning campaign!
But yes, I have signed Stokes from Arsenal - the are Leyton Orient’s parent club in my parallel universe following promotion from League One - and, like Roy, I’ve enjoyed the adulation of my (imaginary) fans. It said so on my computer screen!
Mind you, I hope Sunderland get rather more out of him than I have so far. Joins in pre-season, makes debut in pre-season friendly against Southend, picks up hamstring injury and hasn’t played for two months! Great signing.
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