As this is blog entry 101 of Luke Who’s Talking I thought it would be the perfect opportunity, given the television show Room 101, to vent my spleen about the things that irritate me in North-East sport.
From Sunderland’s litter problem at the Stadium of Light to Jonny Wilkinson’s fragile physique, from Newcastle Eagles star Jeremy Hyatt’s numerous second chances to Newcastle United’s obsession with “Geordie anthems� before kick off.
I’m sure there will be some of my dislikes you agree with and some that you don’t, but here goes...
Sunderland’s Litter Problem At The Stadium of Light
Have you lot never heard of bins? How can a football club be taken seriously when the manager has to stand in his technical area with crisps packets and coffee cups swirling around his feet. And how can players expect to perform to the best of their ability when they run the risk of being caught in face by a stray Mars Bar wrapper and have to dodge plastic forks in the penalty area? Get it sorted litter bugs.
Newcastle United’s Choice of Music at St James’s Park
As regular readers will know, I’m not from the North-East and if that offends you, tough! As an outsider, but very much an admirer of the North-East, I enjoy and share your sense of regional pride. However, what I don’t enjoy are countless songs about how great it is to be a Geordie before every Newcastle United home game.
Look, the odd one or two would be fine, but they seem to be on repeat and you say Cockneys are always going on about how brilliant the capital is!
As far as I can see, the basic “Geordie Anthem� goes like this, “We’re Geordies, Newcastle is great, London’s rubbish, isn’t beer brilliant and isn’t the Tyne Bridge the greatest feat of engineering ever seen in the Western World.�
Injury Stories
We’re down to the bare bones, the squad’s too small, the kids will get their chance, I’m playing people out of position, I’m not making excuses, that’s fact, we’re cursed, my knee cap has just popped out my backside, oops my head has fallen off, I slipped in the bath, I picked up a groin strain at For Your Eyes Only, this is the worst injury crisis ever, in the world, anywhere. Need I say more?
The “Three Legends� Show
It seems to me to be a show where each of the three legends try desperately to out-do each other in the controversy stakes each week and an exercise to prove how many football fans are imbeciles judging by most of those who call in! I might be wrong, you might love it, but it does my head in.
Jonny Wilkinson’s Fragile Frame
He won the World Cup you know. Yes I do know. I also know that he can’t seem to run on to a rugby field without twisting something. If you look Wilkinson up in the dictionary, you’ll find it means fragile physical specimen; constantly injured.
To be fair, he would love to discard his physical problems and I really hope he gets some better luck. It would be terrible to think that his last big act as a rugby player was the winning drop goal in a World Cup Final against Australia. Mind you, there are worst things to be remembered for.... like missing a drop goal in the last minute of a World Cup Final against Australia.
Jeremy Hyatt’s Last Chance Saloon
Bad-boy basketball player for the Newcastle Eagles who must have blisters on his fingers so regularly does he press the self-destruct button. His latest indiscretion was to fly home to America for Christmas having been told he couldn’t by coach Fab Flournoy. Constantly been threatened with the sack, but constantly forgiven. It’s time to repay the faith and support shown and given to you. Just concentrate on throwing that ball into the net. Thanks, much obliged.
Durham Playing Twenty:20 Cricket
I don’t like the format, it’s not exciting, it’s predictable. You play lots of slow bowlers to make scoring harder and then you swing the bat around a bit and see what happens. It’s just not cricket and Durham also happen to be utter garbage at it.
Is there anything I’ve missed out? Probably, but, in the words of legendary eighties children’s television show Why Don’t You? - I’ve got to go switch off my television set and go do something less boring instead!
What would you put in Room 101?
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