As an interested and objective - at least I try to be - observer of events at Newcastle United it has always amazed me how quickly the mood in and around the football club can swing from one extreme to the other.
One minute you Geordies are caught up in ridiculously over-the-top optimism and scarf waving euphoria as you confidently predict this is the season the trophy drought ends. Okay, not many of you go that far, but corners are always getting turned and the worst is frequently behind you.
The next minute you’re plunged into the dark depths of depression after another disappointing defeat, moaning your way to the bottom of your pint of Newcastle Brown Ale or smashing up the Bigg Market.
I would suggest the mood of overwhelming disappointment has never been too far from the surface this season given Alan Shearer’s retirement, Michael Owen’s knee injury and the club’s lack of transfer activity, but there has certainly been a marked downturn since the defeat at Fulham.
Insipid - (adj) lacking flavour, interest or liveliness. Or, in football terms, a Newcastle away performance like the one at Craven Cottage in which even the most optimistic of supporters would not be able to argue that Glenn Roeder’s men deserved anything less than an eleventh Premiership defeat of the season.
Perhaps it was because the defeat came so soon after the close of another unsatisfactory transfer window in which the American international Oguchi Onyewu was the only new arrival in a squad, which by just about everybody’s reckoning, also needed a left back and a striker if it was going to be successful.
It might just be the fact that it’s February - which is worst than January if you ask me because at least you psyche yourself up to be miserable in January after the excess of Christmas - the nights are long, the credit cards bills are still huge and New Year fitness drives are already faltering, but there is definitely a dark mood on Tyneside at the moment.
With that in mind, I’d like to try and cheer you up with a few jokes, but firstly I’d like to pose a little question which has had me scratching my head all weekend. Why on earth was Nolberto Solano dropped on Saturday?
The guy’s been a revelation at right back, defending well while always offering an attacking option (Who has more assists than him this season?) but Glenn Roeder decides to leave him on the bench. I don’t have my Pro Licence, or even my B Badge, but surely he should have returned to the side after missing the game against Aston Villa through suspension.
Anyway, on the bright side, Newcastle are still in the top half of the table - just - they don’t have nearly as many injuries to contend with and they have only lost once in the Premiership this year! I know, I know it’s not really much to get the pulses racing but I’m just trying to cheer everyone up a little bit.
Here’s a joke instead
The Pope, a schoolboy and an unnamed American President are in a plane. Suddenly the pilot suffers a heart attack and the craft takes a nosedive. As the engines sputter, the three passengers try to stay calm.
'Well,' says the Pope, 'we have established that none of us can land this baby, so we're going to have to jump for it.'
'But there are only two parachutes,' says the boy, pointing to a pile of bundles by the exit.
Without hesitating, the American President rushes over to them, takes one and shouts: 'I am the President of the United States of America. I am the world's most powerful leader. And apart from that, I am the most intelligent President in the history of my country. I have a responsibility to my people not to die.' With that, he leaps out of the plane.
Now the Pope turns calmly to the schoolboy and says: 'I am already old. I have already lived my life as a good person and a priest. There is a place for me in heaven. I insist you take the last parachute.'
'No need,' says the boy, 'America's most intelligent President has taken my schoolbag...'
Oh alright then, here’s another one
A man is speeding down a narrow mountain road, when a woman comes hurtling round the corner. He swerves to avoid her, but as she passes she leans out the window and screams 'PIG!' Astonished, the man turns and yells back, 'Cow!' as he reaches the bend and crashes into a pig.
Boom boom. I am also available for weddings and funerals.
- Post to:
del.icio.us
Digg
Newsvine
Nowpublic
Reddit
« Previous | Home | Next »