Given the Dutch's liberal attitude towards sex and drugs it is tempting to suggest that AZ Alkmaar's defenders and their shaky goalkeeper Boy Waterman have spent a little too much time on the wacky backy as they appear to have suffered a case of severe short-term memory loss and forgotten the importance of defending.
That, of course, is just a cheap gag at the expense of a nation who, as far as I'm concerned, could show the rest of the world, particularly the United States, a thing or two about how to fight a drug war. Sadly, that would be straying into the world of politics and the next thing you know I'll be describing the Iraq War as a fight over a huge petrol station, with America aiming to become the pump attendants!
But anyway, back to football and Newcastle United's vitally important Uefa Cup game against AZ Alkmaar a team who, dare I suggest it, play with the same sort of defensive abandonment as one of Ossie Ardiles' ambitious sides and with the same onus on exciting, entertaining football as a certain Kevin Keegan.
Come on, admit it. We all wish we supported a team like that, where the goals flowed at both ends, where you screamed abuse at another lacklustre piece of defensive work but then cried out in joy as a late winner went in at the other end. Okay, maybe you don't agree. Maybe you like sides that are professional and efficient, grinding out results and winning trophies, the true measure of a successful side...
It is a debate which will rumble on among football supporters for eternity but my point is, there is something to admire in the way Alkmaar play the game. They can't defend very well so they attack lots instead - hardly revolutionary, but clever all the same.
Thursday night's second leg will be a big test of Glenn Roeder's tactical awareness and the ability of his players to follow his instructions.
Alkmaar will throw everything at Newcastle, we know that, but what the Magpies must not do is attempt to sit back and protect their two goal advantage. It's all very well playing on the counter attack, but Newcastle can't just rely on set pieces and corners to push men forward, while leaving the strikers isolated in open play.
Alkmaar will probably score, but if Newcastle get it right, so will they. With Obafemi Martins, Kieron Dyer and Damien Duff, they have the perfect players to break at speed.
They have to fight fire with fire and use attack as their best form of defence. If they do, it might not just be one of best games of the season to watch, it might also be Newcastle's best result of the season and that, my friends, is an ideal world!
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