It is not often that the people I write about in the world of sport, both with praise and criticism, get the chance to get their own back.
A few players will sulk and refuse to speak to you, sometimes a manager will try and humiliate you in a press conference and, every now and again, a chairman will ban you for daring to criticise him, but generally speaking we sit in our press boxes and are free to act as both judge and jury in our assessment of talent and ability.
But every now again, the words you write - sometimes with a smug smirk on your face it has to be said - come back to haunt you and Tuesday brought my comeuppance. Certainly, as a I saw Neil Killeen - nicknamed killer or the bull, neither of which sounded very good for me health - and Graham Onions warming up, I instantly regretted my decision to describe the pair as “second string� during a Championship game last season.
Let me explain, Durham had organised a media day to promote their involvement in the Friends Provident Trophy final next week and journalists would be given a rare opportunity to face some of their players in a net session.
“That will be fun� I thought rather stupidly and quickly rang to reserve my place in the nets. Quite why I thought it would be fun, I’m not sure. I hadn’t played cricket seriously since I was a teenager and was never very good at it then.
My last game came for Backworth Thirds a couple of years ago when I was dismissed for 0 and then embarrassingly misjudged a catch at mid-on, diving spectacularly and at full stretch, only to see the ball fall at least 10 meters away from my out-stretched hand. The batsmen, trying not to fall over with laughter, ended up running four.
In a largely undistinguished sporting career it was a new low, particularly as the rest of my team was made up mainly of school kids, who couldn’t stop laughing which, as I told them, was very unprofessional trying, without success, to take the moral high ground. I have not been invited back since, although I wouldn’t play anyway the little ***** so there.
Anyway, off to the Riverside I went and off I swaggered to the nets where Durham’s players were practicing. I’m not sure, but I could have sworn I heard Killeen reminding Onions about that article I’d written.
To be honest, I wasn’t too worried about Onions. I’d always found him friendly and approachable and I’ve even chatted to his mum at the odd game at Chester-le-Street. He seemed such a nice lad, but Killeen, I wasn’t so sure. He’d already told me the above article was a “load of crap� and he’s a big bloke as well with a mean look - oh I see why they call him bull now!.
I waited nervously as a couple of television lads went in first, not encouraged by the fact one of the coaches shouted out that it was better to go in first as the bowlers would still be warming up. I was down to go in last.
The first lad did fairly well, getting bat on all twice, but things didn’t go so well for the Sky man who saw an Onions delivery nip back off the seam and hit him hard in thigh. He didn’t scream in pain, but it clearly hurt as the size of the bruise on his leg testified. He managed to hit one ball.
The next journalist hopped and jumped around a bit, but didn’t get hit and then it was my turn. I took a helmet as a precaution, as well as pads, gloves and that most vital of pieces of equipment, a box.
I tried to catch Graham’s eye, he looked away. Right, take guard, keep an eye on the ball and try and put the bat in the way. It’s all about survival.
And in comes Onions, bowls the ball fast and short. I see it bounce and then feel it whistle past my head in a blur of hard red leather. I might have heard the words “I’ll give you second string....� but I can’t be sure because everyone else is laughing again as the ball bounces back off the net and hits me on the back of the head.
In comes Killeen, ball pitches up, a swing the bat without moving my feet. I’d like to think the edge would have brought a single to third man, but I fear it would probably have been caught in the slips.
In comes Onions again - “crikey if he bowls another bouncer I’m in trouble� I think to myself - nope, this time the ball is pitched up, it’s going to hit my thigh, must get bat down, clatter of wickets been demolished behind me. Satisfied look of superiority from Onions.
So, he’d set me up with the classic short ball routine. Scare me with one that threatens to take my head off and then, with doubt in my mind, pitch one up to bowl me. I’d criticised plenty of batsmen for falling for that one in the past and there it was, hook line and sinker.
Apparently I might be playing in a charity match at the Riverside next month in aid of the Prince’s Trust. I think I’ll ask not to bowl and bat at number ten!
One more thing, anyone interested in becoming a Journal juror next season should email jnl.sport@ncjmedia.co.uk.
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