Did you know that plastic is perhaps the greatest invention known to man, but quite why England have to play football on it against Russia is beyond me.
However, if England’s players think they have got it bad on the astro-turf in Moscow, spare a thought for Sunderland midfielder Dickson Etuhu whose first call-up to the Nigeria squad has been soured, ever so slightly, by the fact he was robbed in Mexico.
Not robbed as in losing the ball in midfield, but robbed as in robbed after thieves cleared out his hotel room while he was taking part in the Super Eagles’ 2-2 draw with the Mexicans. Nice touch.
Etuhu had actually started a game for his country for the first time, but returned to his hotel to find his credit cards, cash and driving licence had been stolen. So if you see a Mexican in a sombrero claiming to be a Sunderland footballer in Legend’s Bar you might want to contact the police.
As for the plastic in the former Soviet Union - have I ever mentioned that From Russia With Love is my favourite James Bond movie? - I’m sure it’s good for making sure games can be played in the winter, but I doubt it’s any good for the fitness of England’s players. I mean, have you ever tried a sliding tackle on an artificial pitch?
Then there is Paul Robinson, the slightly rotund Tottenham keeper is already slow enough in getting down to low shots, but what will he be like on this sort of surface. As for any uneven bounce, well we’ve already seen what can happen against Croatia haven’t we Paul?
Then again, given the perilous nature of the surface and the distinct possibility of injury, I’d start with Frank Lampard. I’d also like to see him play for the whole 90 minutes!
Which is about 90 more than most Newcastle fans will want to see Michael Owen on the plastic pitch for. Given the ranting and raving about his availability for this latest round of European Championship qualifiers, there will be riots if he picks up another injury and misses the game against Tottenham on Monday night.
I don’t know about you, but I’m bored of the whole Owen, club vs country, is he staying, is he going thing. I’d just like to see Newcastle’s number ten stay injury free, play plenty of games for the Magpies and do what he does best (after looking after racehorses that is) - putting the ball in the back of the net.
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