We are used to being disappointed when it comes to our national teams as they lurch from one cringe worthy humiliation to the next, but for once, what a weekend to be an Englishman!
A thrashing for the (erm) mighty Estonia at Wembley in the football and a World Cup semi-final win over France in the rugby courtesy of that guy Jonny Wilkinson’s boot. Swing Low, Sweet Chariot and so on and so on..... Don’t you just love jumping on a bandwagon?
As someone whose experience of playing rugby at school amounted to one competitive game, when I stood shivering on the wing with my sleeves pulled over my hands for protection from the icy wind, I wouldn’t say I was a rugby expert as such!
I rather enjoyed playing when I scampered past a few tubby lads with ball in hand during a PE lesson, but I instantly lost interest when one of the fatties with a severe body odour issue flattened me for the first time in an actual game!
Rugby is a game for tough men and women, who like to smell the sweat of a teammate while they stick their head perilously close to their groins. Not my cup of tea, although I have always been rather partial to the smell of Deep Heat, reminds me of council maintained dressing rooms where the football pitches sometimes had lumps of dog poo on the halfway line! It gave sliding tackles a whole new risk factor and brought a whole new meaning to skid marks. Ah memories, memories.
Anyway, forgive me, I’m rambling like a football manager searching for excuses after a heavy home defeat. My aim here was to shamelessly blow my own trumpet (I never really understood this expression. Surely you’re supposed to blow your own trumpet when you play it, better than blowing someone else’s if you ask me ) boast, crow, blabber on about how clever I am etc..etc
You may remember, when the chips were down and England were being written off by the so-called experts, you know the people who watch rugby for a living and probably shoot pheasants in their spare time while avidly reading stories about the inquest into Princess Diana’s death (the butler did it if you ask me, with the candlestick in the tunnel), well I was sticking by “our boys� (copyright of the Sun newspaper).
Well, I was actually engaging in a bit of Aussie baiting, but I would like to remind you of what I said in the build-up to England’s quarter-final against Australia.
And I quote: “I’ve had another one of my gut feelings. It’s not indigestion either. Do you remember how poor France were in the group stages of the football World Cup last year? They barely managed to qualify from their group and were under-fire back home.
“Well, England have barely qualified from their group in the rugby and have also been under-fire back home. But, just as France reached the final where they lost to Italy on penalties, I have a sneaky suspicion that England might be coming good at just the right time.
“Australia will under-estimate us and be so intent on dishing out a thrashing to put us back in our sporting place, that Jonny and company might just spring another nasty little surprise on them.�
See, see, I told you, I told you.... Struck lucky you say? Well here are a few more of my “expert� predictions, although if any of you are gambling people, I take no responsibility if you lose money by placing bets on the basis of my insight.
South Africa will narrowly win the World Cup Final, despite an heroic effort by “our boys�, England will draw 1-1 with Russia, conceding a late goal due to a defensive error, oh and the world will end in 6002AD
I will leave with a rant. Leyton Orient beat Leeds United 2-1 at Elland Road on Saturday no matter what the record books say.
The match referee was the worst I’ve ever seen, we played for two thirds of the game with ten men after a ridiculous sending-off, the corner that led to their goal wasn’t a corner, the penalty they were awarded in the second half wasn’t a penalty and the ball was at least a foot over the line when he refused to award us a second goal. I’ve never liked Leeds in the first place but this really did take the....
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