Alan Smith, Joey Barton and Disciplining A Naughty Cat
Kevin Keegan should probably hang up a large Do Not Disturb sign outside the club’s training ground, draw the curtains and lock all the doors with the players holed up inside after what happened at Aston Villa.
Either that, or he could do the above after throwing Joey Barton, Alan Smith and most of the team’s defenders out in the cold like a cat that has just relieved itself on the carpet in the living room.
When disciplining a cat for crapping on the carpet it is normally necessary to rub their noses in the offending brown stain as well to remind them not to do it again - I’m not sure how this would work with professional footballers but I’m sure we can improvise!
There are times when being hopelessly outclassed has its benefits. A strange statement, perhaps, but as Newcastle United pick up the pieces from their latest mauling, at least they have a couple of weeks to draw breath after their early exit from the FA Cup.
It will be a time to unite, I guess, discuss what has gone wrong, remind the players of their responsibilities and so on. Then emerge to mumble something about staying positive and then, well say the same thing after a valiant effort, but another defeat, against Manchester United.
As it happens, I don’t think Newcastle will get relegated, mainly because there is so much dross below them and Derby are so far adrift at the bottom, but I still think the Magpies could be given an almighty scare along the way.
By the time Keegan and his staff have finished with them this week I suspect the players will believe they are in a relegation battle and I think that sense of urgency is needed. I think some players have been guilty of believing, psychologically at least, the season is over and that the points they need to be safe would just come along eventually. After that, it would just be a case of waiting to find out whether they were part of Keegan’s plans for next season.
It is a dangerous mindset to get into and I think it explains why the team looks so fragile away from home. Motivation can be a funny thing. I’m not saying that Newcastle haven’t tried, I’m just saying that, subconsciously, they’re not as motivated as other sides because they don’t have much to play for. I hope that changes in the next couple of weeks.
On a slightly different subject, was anyone as baffled by me by Keegan’s comments about Smith? Keegan reckoned Smith was the best player on the pitch in the first half at Villa. No, honestly, he did. Personally I thought he was somewhere between below average and poor. As for second half, useless springs to mind.
Regular readers will know I have never really rated Smith. A midfielder who can’t tackle and a striker who can’t score goals. Having a good attitude and determination can only get you so far, otherwise I’d be a Premier League footballer as well! Possibly!
Strikers will always be judged on how many goals they score and he doesn’t look like scoring - ever. He doesn’t create anything either, he doesn’t play a killer pass and he doesn’t win the ball in the air. Well worth the £6m then Sam!
Whatever his effort levels are, Keegan must take him out of the side and bring Mark Viduka, Obafemi Martins or even Shola Ameobi in. Smith needs a rest - an extended one otherwise known as a transfer if you ask me - but he should at least be given a chance to reassess his game on the bench.
As for Barton I, like most people, thought he was going to be a good signing for the club, as long as he stayed out of trouble, which he hasn’t. But has he had a good game in a Newcastle shirt? What does he do? Can he pass the ball more than five meters?
Perhaps the court case thing is having more of an effect on him than he is letting on, but perhaps it just shows the danger of Match of the Day, Sky Sports hype and highlights packages. Looked a decent player in a crap Man City team, now looks a crap player in a struggling Newcastle team...
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Luke Edwards - is Chief Sports Writer of The Journal and uses his blog to give a unique and entertaining insight into events at Newcastle United and Sunderland.
Luke what do you think of the idea of playing Owen and Martins upfront with Emre and Faye in midfield. I know everybody is stuck with the small and big stiker combination but that approach has not helped us at all, as MO does not have the pace he use to have and Viduka is just too slow. I know we tried the combination of Martins and Owen before with limited success but to be fair both Owen and Martins were not inform and did not have Faye a tall midfielder to add hieght to the attack. I believe Emre and Faye has a good cahnce of controlling the midfield and supplying Martins and Owen with good service.
Note From Luke
I'd certainly give it a go, can't be any worse than Smith up front! I quite like the idea of Martins and Owen because, although both small, Martins is a different type of striker to Owen in a lot of respects. He has a better long range shot for example and has the pace to work the channels behind the defence. However, I'd stick Faye at the back instead of Cacapa and put Emre in midfield alongside Nicky Butt, who will play the holding role.
Luke, Luke, Luke, you can get training mats for cats and dogs these days, so why not stand Smith and Barton on a mat when they play s*** and hopefully learn that they can’t get away with it for long.
The only problem is cats and dogs are not paid £50k a week and the football equivalent to a mat is a nice, warm, cosy bench. Failing that I’d stick them in the reserves.
The merits (Or lack of them) of Alan Smith have been well documented, and it baffles me as to how many managers have seen something (Whatever it is) in him to accommodate such transfer fees (£6m to us and £10m to Man Utd) for such a player who would get laughed out of a pub if he’d put in performances for the Dog and Parrot that we’ve witnessed this season. And to top it off Allardyce made him Captain???
Viduka is lethargic, Martins clumsy and Ameobi is both of those, you could say Ameobi is the exact amalgamation of Viduka and Martins, but it still adds up to useless.
About Smith,- I bet he ends up this season with more red cards for the club, than goals, any takers?
I don’t listen to the Three Legends too often, but Malcom Macdonald last night was so damn adamant that Newcastle WILL NOT go down because of the fact that Newcastle are six points off the bottom three AND that is supposed to be a mountain for them to climb- well sorry Malcom, but that mountain will come equipped with a Ski lift if we continue with our current form.
We play Man Utd, Liverpool and Blackburn, now who can honestly see anything out of them, maybe a point or even three, against Blackburn- But that’s hardly nailed on is it? In that time the sides preparing to climb that mountain, may just have got themselves onto that Ski lift and be ready to enjoy the view from the summit of Premier League safety.
Paul.
Note From Luke
I wonder if Mr MacDonald will bare his backside in Fenwicks window if Newcastle get relegated as one of his other so called Legends, Bernie Slaven did, when making an equally adamant comment a few years ago. about Boro? Maybe you should ring up and ask him. Personally, I wouldn't waste the cost of the phone call, but you might have some free mins on your mobile phone to use up!
No Luke, you were right the first time, rubbing their noses in some brown smelly stuff would probably remind them not to do it again. It would certainly make me feel a lot better!
A little harsh perhaps, but extreme times call for extreme measures don't you think?
Seriously, though, I hope KK was only being kind when he said he really liked Alan Smith. I like my best mate Paul but I wouldn't select him to play up front for my Sunday League side because he's useless
Hi Luke- We dont need any more smelly stuff at Newcastle United-We have had enough of it over the years-May be KK should drop about 4 of the squad who played against Villa right now and tell them they will not play in a Newcastle shirt again-We know the 4 so wont bother telling you the obvious -but as a clue what do you think of a centre back who stops running when he is beaten to the ball -or a fullback who decides to play netball instead of football -or another international who stands admiring the header from the opposition while watching the ball cross the line-they look more like relegation material every week. I DONT BLAME KEV FOR ANY OF THIS -The rot was ingrained long before he came-What is more annoying is hearing the big shambles blame it all on ex.players-since when do we play ex.players in the premiership these days- Think he has got that one wrong. what we have to accept is if this team cant play for Kevin-then there is no hiding place left for them -perhaps a trip down the relegation ladder is what is needed to help them on their way.
Luke,
I have been to watch a number of games since getting back to good old blighty and have to say there is one point that seems to be eluding everyone. KK has not just got to build his team he has to repair the damage that BS did to the confidence. We have to remember that whilst we have a half decent squad it is a young squad and one for the future. It is fine saying that they get paid all this money so they should be able to cope with it, a reality check shows if you take the money and the cars away you will still be left with a young lad who, especially in the environment they are in can be bruised very easily.
I know the cause does not look good at the moment but now that KK is in we need to do our job as fans and get our young tallent going again. If they have a bad game then the last think they need is the fans knocking them down further. If they play badly but have obviously tried then praise them for their efforts rather than damn them for their errors.
I do feel there are a few players we need to off load and a few we need to bring in..point of note Woodgate was not one of them, I think he is a good defender but still to injury prone.
I have noticed a few comments floating around saying that our players are not motivated because they have nothing to play for..how about staying the premiership.
Note From Luke
Good to have you back from Washington Mark. Who do you reckon is going to win the Democratic nomination? Obama is a West Ham fan, apparently, which out me off him a little!
Luke,
You are spot on with regard to Smith. Worst player in the squad. He cannot stand on his feet, is 3 yards slower than other players and can only foul people. A dirty player. Never gets a shot off never mind score. Creates nothing. Thats the good bit. Now the bad news. Keegan thinks he is a key player! There again Keegan was talking Europe a month ago and "the best bunch of players he has workred with." Kev, remeber 1996? KKs record is pitiful. Worse than Sams and he would be sacked if MA had not just appointed him. We'll buy (if we stay up) expensive has beens in the summer (Henry and Beckham...can you see Wenger resigning Henry?) Where is the vision? next year will be a liitle better at massive cost and then KK will ride off into the sunset ....disillusioned.
Note From Luke
I feel as though I may have tipped you other the edge Daiv. It's not that bad really, Newcastle will stay up (just) then KK can really get started on the transfer market, buyers will be found for Smith and the other dead wood, Barton will be away in a court room somewhere and things will look a whole lot better... we hope!
Ignore their previous clubs, their previous trophies, their international caps and their reputation amongst pundits and journalists or how nice of a person they may or may not be.
Alan Smith
Joey Barton
Damien Duff
Steven Carr
Based entirely upon their performances since the day they signed for NUFC, how many of those four should be anywhere near even being a regular substitute?
My answer is none.
Note From Luke
I would disagree about Duff as I think there have been signs recently that he is still a good player. It's still going to take him a bit of time after such a bad injury, but if he stays fit, I think he is an asset Newcastle should hold on to.
Luke – Newcastle has operated in this weird fourth dimension for a number of years. We buy what should be quality proven players and then proceed to seemingly suck the confidence and hence ability from them. This is evidenced in the fact that we hardly ever sell players for more than we bought them for – a commercial inconsistency that needs addressed in itself.
Why?
Well some will tell you that this is down to us and our expectations – how dare we – but for me a proportion of this sits squarely with the mentality of the players. In the case of Smith and Barton – although they’re not the first - they arrived with a sense of ‘how different can this be…I’ve played for big clubs before…? Well gentlemen in short very different indeed.
Newcastle is a unique animal and you can’t drop your game here because you think you’ve come from a bigger club (Smith, Owen, Oba, Butt, Emre, et al). The punters know quality when they see it and playing here will be harder not easier than what went before. These players need to leave their egos at the door and prove themselves again. I’ve no doubt some will rise to the occasion while other will drift into a state of catatonic shock that they’ll not recover from until they’re sold. Keegan’s challenge is to sort the former from the later and bloody quick.
A note to Smith and Barton – rising to the occasion doesn’t mean running around the pitch like drunken demobbed sailors looking for a ruck. It means playing clever effective football, scoring a goal once in a while and not blaming the fans for voicing an opinion on your performance if its crap.
Note From Luke
There certainly isn't any room for egos when you're in a relegation battle.
luke newcastle united are in free fall.IF we avoid relegation it wont be down to the players or the manager,it will be derby county et al.if we were offered 4th bottom now for the end of the season,i would happily take it. all the classic signs are there 2 players in the past few weeks have got their only hat tricks against us, another gets his first ever goal. we are not scoring but yet shipping in goals by the shed full. our keeper must have the record for letting in goals from shots outside the box. we are getting awful decisions from a variety of referees and linesmen. we have not won a game for 2 months. i realize all of the above is very negative but it is hard to say much that is positive,teams that get into this free fall syndrome usually find it impossible to get out of. i hope the manager finds a way,but picking smith before viduka, carr before enrique,and cacapa before faye is not a good start. reading, fulham, birmingham,and the mackems are must wins. are you confident of them? the hope is we escape the drop, then start a new KK regime where players pass and move.
Scary stuff right now, reminds me of the time under Souness ater Fulham banged 4-1 in up here after we'd had a decent run, then we went to pieces for what seemed an eternity. Teams we expected to hammer were beating us until we sacked Souness, and nice Glen somehow changed the mindset of the players and we qualified for the eufa cup competition. Unfortunately this lot haven't responded to a change of manager. Possibly because KK had initially described them as a good squad and doesn't want to demoralise them any further. But desperate times require desperate measures and some cages need rattling e.g. the capitulators at Villa. There are some good young players in the wings who would give their all at this time, like Lua Lua as a creative midfielder who can run and jink past defenders, and young Edgar's shown his colours in the past to name only two. Enrique is infinitely better than Carr at left back, so is my fat tabby cat but he can't speak English. Barton is now untennable as a player as the FA and TV are scrutinizing his every move, as are the cops, apart from not being very good anyway. But a clearing out is crucial in the summer, meaning about 6 or 7 big pay-packets. They are not worth the shirt if this club is going to achieve a top 6 in KK's 3 year strategy, beginning with Butt, Duff, Viduka, Barton, Geremi, Beye and Emre. Yes Emre, as he falls too often and stays there writhing about for free-kicks, retaliates too often to the team's detriment and tries to play to the crowd by running in circles usually. And dare I say it, we need a taller keeper. The number of goals we've conceded because of being just out of reach of Given's hand, anywhere near the top corners, or bottom come to that, and he's done. The kind Van De Sar usually gets. Tim Krul is a tall kid, and he looked very promising in Europe last season, that's why he should be here at the club learning from Given and Harper's experience. Until then though, these players have got to be forced by KK to almost die for the cause in ' every single game ' or not play in the next.
Note From Luke
I have to admit, I find the recent criticism of Given rather strange. There have been whispers he is suspect on crosses, but I think that has more to do with the fact that he has no faith in the centre backs in front of him. I don't remember anyone having a go at him when Newcastle were in the Champions League. For me he remains one of the best keepers in the PL
Oh, and by the way Luke, Hilary Clinton has already won. It was determined long ago when she was inducted into ' Skull and Bones ', a secret society, whilst at Harvard or Yale, same as George junior, same as George senior. As you may well know, the yanks use a computerised voting system called the Diebold System which can be rigged to show a 51% to 49% result. This happened in both Georgey's victories in 2,000 and 2,004....Diebold System, google it. I know this ain't a politics page but you guys might fancy a small wager.
Note From Luke
Thanks for the tip
I am like you I think we will just stay up this year luke, I agree that Smith does require a break out of the team, I personally believe that Martins and Owen could play together, As you said earler they are both different players and KK has played with 2 smaller front men in the past.
I also would like to see emre and butt in the middle with faye sloting in instead of Cacapa, I cant believe Carr escaped a mention, He has been woeful to say the least from the day he signed,
Just a quick question Luke does it worry u like it does me that we look like losing Nzogbia at they end of the season and I wouldnt be suprised to see Owen go if he keeps scoring and stay`s fit. I just wonder how hard it will be to attract players to a bottom half of the table side(I hope anyway) that may well have lost 2 of its better players, in what will be a highly competitive tranfer market.
Note From Luke
It certainly does worry me about N'Zogbia. He's young and he's only going to get better, but he's still been Newcastle's best player this season. Hopefully Keegan can work his magic between now and the end of the season
Erm, the people having a crack at Shay Given need to give it a rest. He's kept us in so many games that we'd have been dead and buried in otherwise that he is, for me, utterly beyond reproach.
Regarding the rest of them, it's easier to talk about which players ARE good enough to wear the shirt at newcastle rather than who isn't. We need a total overhaul in the summer.
I don't expect anything from Keegan and the team this season apart from keeping us up. After that, I'd expect Mike Ashley to put his hand in his pocket, Keegan to buy very Wise-ly (pun clearly intended) and the dead wood players to be given their P45's.
By the way, am I the only one who is a bit concerned by just how eager Kev is to talk about anything to everyone in the media at any given time?! I'm happy Keegan is back, but I can't help thinking he'd be better off concentrating his efforts on the training ground or researching transfer options than constantly telling the press his opinion of our players, other people's players, the premier league plans, how best to tend to one's winter vegetables etc etc.
Surely the time be chatty with the media is when you're winning and have a few good results behind you, not when you're getting stuffed on a weekly basis?
Sorry Luke and everyone, I didn't say Shay wasn't a great goalie and has undeniably kept us in games we would've definitely lost, I said a taller keeper like Van Der Sar would've saved many more. Emotional loyalty should have no place in this club's reconstruction " If a great and taller keeper " can be unearthed. It's just a personal observation I've made in recent years, and weeks of the balls that have eluded Shay, arguably the best shot-stopper around.
HI Luke- Yes Hilary will win the presedential nomination-no doubt about that-despite her husbands misgivings with Monica -the Americans are not daft -they remember Bill Clinton re-vitalised the American economy and left office with the highest balance of payments surplus in their history apart from vastly improving their health care and the bonus of putting ten million Americans back to work-that is what will get Hilary in - they want to bring back the good times. They see the husband by her side and thats what will clinch it for her. Well just thought I might chip in with that bit. Now to the important bits - I hope Kev can hang on to Charlie -he has been our best player-not sure I agree about your views on Duff though- All I have ever seen from him since he came is messing about with the ball-turning this way and that way -delaying his pass -giving defenders time to cover-then making the pass he should have made five minutes earlier when the moment is lost-also he is useless in front of goal -look at his goals record-gets very easily pushed off the ball-and generally seems too weak physically to be effective in the premiership-he only had one asset as a youngster and that was his blinding pace -which he has long since lost -and even with that pace he had no idea where to go with it-and his crossing and ability to find his man is also very poor-compare that with Charlies blinding pace -ability to go past people-scorching shot-and the way he fizzes good crosses at pace into the box -then their is no comparison-I would be upset to see Charlie go -but quite happy to see Duff go -along with Cacapa, Carr, Barton,and the rest of the usual suspects who have been awful this season- Tin Krul shoud be given his chance -alongside Andy Carroll ,Lua Lua, Edgar {what has he done never to get a glinpse of the first team this year}at least these lads would be playing for their shirts.
Note From Luke
A little sprinkling of politics always welcome Ray. I may have some news on Edgar shortly for you all.
luke in previous posts i have made reference to the performances of shay given, who i think is a top keeper. the problem is that he has been nowhere a top keeper this season. i dont for one minute blame him for all the lost points this season but i do think he shoulders more of the blame than most people want to recognize. the tell tale for me is the amount of times he has been beaten from distance. of course keepers are there to be beaten and all keepers are beaten from distance, but it is the amount of times we have conceded goals from shots outside the box that point to a problem with a keeper. shay given belongs to the "shot stopper" type of keeper, someone who has great reflexes and agility. those gifts have not been in such evidence this season as in past seasons. shay is not a keeper who dominates his six yard area like a schmeical or a friedal. he never has been. so when his other attributes are not as sharp as they could be, he is a pretty ordinary keeper. incidently he is also a poor kicker of the ball. i hope shay gets back his form, possibly lost through his bad injury, because when he does he will be the best once again.
Note From Luke
If there has been a dip of form it probably has something to do with all the groin injuries he has picked up this season which have forced him to come in and out of the side.
THE PAST SIX MANAGERS HAVE HAD ONE COMMON DENOMINATER WHO LAUGHS WHEN NEWCASTLE SCORE AND LOOKS GLUM WHEN NEWCASTLE GETS BEAT. TERRY MACDERMOTT, WHAT IS HIS JOB, GETRID
Luke forget what he said about Smith his comments he doesn't know the players blows my mind. After 5 weeks he's not sure about the staff. Surely he trusts McDermotts opinion.Allardyce is twice the manager Keegan is, he was the best English manager for years and Keegan was a big mistake. He wants Shearer onboard because like your cat when the mess is left he will point the finger and say it wasn't me. Who would want to go to war with KK when the going gets tough he always takes the gap check his history
Luke – If any contributors to this board doubt the special nature of this club and this city they should read your excellent interview with one Sir Bobby Robson.
If the current team had half the passion, bravery, and dignity of that Gentleman we’d be top of the league.
Note From Luke
Indeed they would David
I would suggest Keith Hutton Africa must be surrounded by the same mist as the gorillas.I know it's all about opinion but he very obviously knows bugger all about football.
Barton is,and never has been,up to it.Carr is the same,Cacapa has been a good centre half but old father time has caught up as is the case with Butt.
Keep Willie McKay out of NUFC and remind N'zogbia his mother and sister were already living in London when he signed his new improved contract.Tell him now he is under contract and going nowhere!!Stuff the agents-they (mainly W.McKay esq) have taken NUFC for fortunes.Mike Ashley has banned Freddie Shepherd.Now he should ban the second leg of the Tote Double Willie McKay.
And finally, every game Alan Smith gives his all for our club.I wish every other player did the same.
Note From Luke
Good point about Charlie. It's not like his family have ever lived in Newcastle and he's been over here since he was 18 and never complained about homesickness before. I suspect, having watched Kieron Dyer and Nolberto Solano get a move dow south by playing the family card, he probably feels he can do the same. Mind you, he hasn't actually gone yet and KK may persuade him to stay.
There are too many poor players in the squad. Yet another massive clearout is required in the summer, but I can't see many takers, so once again we'll be stuck with players we can't shift until their contracts expire.
I have an inkling that Shola might be better in midfield than he is up front. He's slow and is always getting caught off-side but might not if he sits in the middle of the park.
What do you or any other Bloggers think?
Note From Luke
I like Shola and I think he is better than a lot of people give him credit for, but realistically he's never going to get an extended run in the side so he'd be better off leaving and kickstarting his career somewhere else. He's been one of the players with potential for far too long now.
does anyone agree with this formation for our current 1st team. a diamond midfield.
given
beye taylor cacapa enrique
faye
milner duff
martins
owen viduka
subs harper.geremi.nzogbia.emre.ameobi
tell ya man i rekon that would work
really well c´mon you mags
Note From Luke
I'd put Emre in instead of Martins and put Martins up alongside Owen in attack. I'd also play N'Zogbia on the left instead of Duff and I'd have Butt in front of the back four with Faye playing instead of Cacapa.
How about you, Lee and the Chron lending your weight for a campaign to dissassociate Newcastle United and the fans from the ludicrous Century radio 3 Legends phone in.
I cant bear listening to the bile regularly spouted by Slaven
Sunderland and Newcastle are bitter rivals and can justifiably have a go at each other but why we both have to participate and share a phone in with those ridiculous idiots from Yorkshire is beyond me.
Note From Luke
Take it your not a fan of the show then James. I certainly have some sympathy with you, but the best thing to do is just switch off your radio or tune into another station. That's what I do and if enough people do it....
Luke et al, It makes no sense to blame players who basically are just a bunch of badly behaved kids without discipline. The current squad is no worse than other recent Toon squads but they are easily the worst behaved. Blame managers both past and present for the state of things. Yes, blame Keegan as well as "Big Sam" and all the rest.
Right now it looks like it could become a case of sliding right down the divisions rather than just dropping to the championship. Imagine playing derbies versus Pools or the Quakers!
I wonder how many will still be saying "we are too good to go down" after playing Man Utd. They cannot afford another loss and will thrash Toon about 6-0.
The only hope left is to hire the Special One starting next Monday, because right now all NUFC does is give teams like Birmingham, Fulham and Wigan the idea that only one of them will be going down with Derby.
p.s. The chairman deserves plenty of blame as well.
Note From Luke
You're obviously not very happy about things at NUFC, but I don't think Newcastle will go down. Not because they are very good, it's just there are teams already below them who are worse. I think the club needs to do the best it can until May, take a deep long breath and then start yet another rebuilding project in May. I'd have loved to have seen Jose Mourinho as Newcastle's manager, but Keegan is here now and let's just hope he can turn things around again.