Talking about Newcastle United as a club which can once again challenge the Big Four is starting to look about as sensible as suggesting Trinidad and Tobago’s armed forces could give the Americans a run for their money.
Newcastle were so comprehensively outclassed by Manchester United last weekend I actually began to feel sorry for some of their players. Compassion isn’t normally an emotion associated with journalists is it? But it was hard not to. There was utter dejection on every single face as they trudged down the tunnel, despite Kevin Keegan’s best attempts to lift their spirits.
Maybe I’m going soft, but it was like a blood sport. Manchester United toyed with their prey and then tore them to shreds, leaving just a bloodied and battered carcass behind them as they went in search of their next kill.
Newcastle United have been many things through the years, but they have never looked like victims in the Premier League era. They do now.
And then I went home to my modest home in a less than illustrious Newcastle suburb to watch the rugby and remembered that those same footballers I’d just felt sorry for are all millionaires, have model girlfriends, live in luxury and drive some of the best cars on the planet..... funnily enough I didn’t feel much sympathy for them anymore!
I wrote in my match report for Monday morning’s paper that Keegan has made things worse at St James’s Park not better. It is a statement I stand by because of the results he has presided over. I’m not saying he has not had a positive impact behind the scenes because everyone I’ve spoken to says he has, but results are what he will be judged on and Kevin doesn’t attempt to hide that fact.
No wins, two draws and four heavy defeats, 3-0, 3-0, 4-1 and now 5-1. Three goals scored and 16 conceded. It is the sort of form which screams relegation, it is the sort of form which needs a health warning.
But, despite the misery and melancholy which has set in, I still don’t think Newcastle will go down. Even after another humiliating defeat, Newcastle’s Premier League position did not get any worse over the weekend.
Of all the teams below them, only Wigan won, so they are still six points clear of the drop zone. Fulham look ripe for relegation with Reading and Bolton are minging.
Keegan has said they will need 40 points to be safe, but they probably only need another nine to remain in the top flight because, as I’ve said before, there are plenty of useless sides already below them. I wouldn’t like to put my house on it (not that I own one) but....
And, perhaps things aren’t as bad as they first seem. Three of Keegan’s six games in charge have been against Arsenal, away, twice and Manchester United at home. No matter who the manager was, Sam Allardyce or Jose Mourinho, I doubt Newcastle would have won a single one of those three.
Aston Villa are also one of the form teams in the division and so only the home games against Bolton and Middlesbrough are bad results and neither of those were actually defeats so....
All right, I admit, I’m clutching at straws, you should all be thoroughly miserable and dejected, but that’s not how football works is it? Pah, ten games without a win, try 15. Oh and if you think that’s hard to take, try 20, now that’s misery!
I wasn’t there at the time, I was still at secondary school down south somewhere, but I bet there are plenty of veteran Newcastle fans out there at the moment muttering something about how, if you think this is painful, you should have seen it when Keegan took over last time.
Newcastle are in a desperate situation, but they are not doomed. And, while nobody can actually say they are enjoying supporting them at the moment, at least there is something to get a little excited about, rather than plodding along in mid-table just waiting for the season to end.
Anyone know any good jokes? Look anything will do, if everyone who leaves a comment leaves a joke as well, we might just cheer ourselves up before the arrival of Blackburn Rovers next weekend.
And, yes, in case you were wondering, Orient also lost at the weekend, at home,... it’s a stupid game football!
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