March 2008 Archives

If you saw that coming last weekend you are a better man than I am. Either that or you’ve sneakily invented a time machine and had a little peak into the future Michael J Fox style, or you are involved in a shady gambling cartel who fixed the weekend’s results or you are invisible and, erm... I’ll leave it there I think.

But what a weekend it turned out to be. Sunderland score a last-minute winner against West Ham and briefly go above Newcastle in the table. Bolton lead ten-man Arsenal by two goals to nil and look certain to cut the gap on Newcastle to just three points, but lose 3-2 in the last minute and then the Magpies travel to Tottenham Hotspur and dish out one hell of a beating.

Right that's it Mike Ashley, it's time to get your chequebook out, I've seen enough. It's time to offer Michael Owen a new contract at Newcastle United.

So why am I so convinced the club's injury-prone record signing deserves a lucrative new deal? Well, if anyone saw him play for England against France on Wednesday they will know he has clearly decided to save his best for his club rather than his country!

I initially described Newcastle's search for form under Kevin Keegan in Monday’s match report as like a drunk fumbling with his door keys, but what I really wanted to say was that it was like former Magpies midfielder Matty Pattison searching for his car keys in his underpants..

Either that, or Heather Mills stumbling around in a dark bank vault on one leg desperately looking for Paul McCartney’s missing £800m and the Tooth Fairy. Well, come on, she lives in a fantasy world doesn’t she?

You see, that’s the beauty of a blog, you can write pretty much what you want and I couldn’t resist a little reference to Pattison’s antics.

Some managers want to be close to their players, some even want to be friendly in an effort to get the best out of them. Roy Keane doesn’t even bother speaking to them.

Well he does, but only when he has to, like match days and, perhaps, a team talk in training to discuss what happened in the previous game. The rest of the time, Keane does a lot of standing around looking contemplative and moody.

I’m pretty sure it isn’t an approach that features prominently in the Beginner's Guide to Coaching manual but it is typical of Keane and the image he likes to project. The question is, though, will it work to keep Sunderland up this season?

There was lots of sweat and tears from Newcastle against Birmingham, but no blood. Perhaps if someone had bled for the cause, they might even have won the game!

However, for the first time since the FA Cup win over Stoke in January I think most Newcastle fans will have been relatively happy with what they saw at St Andrew's on Monday night. It wasn't the win which would have really turned the tide in the club's favour, but it wasn't the defeat which would have spelled disaster for their survival chances either.

And there was, in the shortage of quality, especially in the first half, plenty of effort and endeavour and wasn't it nice to see Obafemi Martins throwing a little paddy fit - on St Patrick's Day as well - when he was replaced by Charles N'Zogbia? At least he cares.

So here it is. The Allies had D-Day but Newcastle United and Kevin Keegan will just have to be content with a B-Day and I don't mean the sort you find in posh bathrooms!

It is pretty simple for the Magpies at St Andrew's on Monday night. Lose and relegation fears will turn into a panic on Tyneside.

Critics will start to speculate about Keegan's future as manager after just nine games and the rest of the country will rub their hands in glee at the possibility of Newcastle doing a Leeds!

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, I think I might have discovered the reason for our plight this season - there is a Jonah among us.

Look, I’ve been thinking - dangerous I know, particularly on an empty stomach - and it is the only explanation I can give for the fact both North-East clubs are in a relegation battle and have, as is normal for those gasping for air at the bottom of the table, been plagued by bad luck for much of the season.

And, to make matters worse, I’m starting to get the nasty feeling that the Jonah could well be me and the bad news for Newcastle fans is that I’ll be at Birmingham City on Monday night....

You know it's not going to be your day when the opposition score a goal from a deflected clearance but I think most of us already knew it wasn't going to be Newcastle's day against Liverpool long before Jose Enrique's kicked the ball against Jermain Pennant.

In fact it didn't take a genius, Mystic Meg or even the spoon bender supremo himself, Uri Geller, to predict before any ball had been kicked at Anfield on Saturday that the Magpies would be on the receiving end of another battering.

In fact, considering the size of the two defeats to Manchester United this season, as well as they 4-1 reverse at Aston Villa last month, perhaps United fans should just be grateful the scoreline was only 3-0.

So Joey Barton will not be allowed to play against Liverpool. Well that's a blessing in disguise if ever there was one!

The British justice system has had its knockers over the years, but congratulations to the judge who refused to change Barton's bail restrictions which prevent him from visiting Liverpool city centre until after he has been tried for assualt following an incident in the city over the Christmas period.

Welcome to the North-East hotbed of football. Yeah right, three Premier League teams, three teams in the bottom half of the table and three teams in danger of being relegated. What a wonderful season this has turned out to be!

I had such high hopes back in August, didn't you? Sunderland had just been promoted on a wave of optimism under Roy Keane and Newcastle had got a highly-rated manager in Sam Allardyce and had finally seen the back of former chairman Freddie Shepherd. I'd just got back from a very enjoyable holiday to Majorca and, so I thought, there were plenty of good time ahead.