Right that's it Mike Ashley, it's time to get your chequebook out, I've seen enough. It's time to offer Michael Owen a new contract at Newcastle United.
So why am I so convinced the club's injury-prone record signing deserves a lucrative new deal? Well, if anyone saw him play for England against France on Wednesday they will know he has clearly decided to save his best for his club rather than his country!
Dear me, poor Michael. Having performed wonders for Newcastle in their relegation battle recently, the guy finally got a chance to show Fabio Capello what he can do for England and the highlight of his second-half performance was an attempted cross-field pass which went straight out for a throw in in injury-time! Before that, I think he touched the ball about five times! At least he didn't get injured.
So yes, England's Michael Owen is now Newcastle's Michael Owen who doesn't transfer his club form on to the international stage. It's alright Little Mo, you come back to St James's Park, we'll look after you, don't you worry about those nasty national coaches!
How boring was the game against France by the way? Do you think Sam Allardyce has kidnapped Capello and wore a Scooby Doo style disguise to impose his dull tactics on the national side?
Then again, what a stupid time to play an international friendly. The domestic season is reaching an exciting finale and most of the players on show are preparing for Champions League quarter-finals next week. Both sides looked lethargic and unwilling to try anything too risky.
However, I actually thought England did fairly well, particularly in the first half. They certainly kept the ball far better than at any time under Steve McClaren and I think that's something Capello is desperate to work on. They didn't do much with it, mind, but that will come with practice hopefully.
With no competitive games until the autumn, Capello is working on things and he is free to lose games as he does it. I'm not overly concerned about the result, far from it in fact.
Finally, well done David Beckham for reaching 100 caps. You're wife is annoying, you're too slow and one dimensional and top international teams have largely worked out how to contain your threat from crosses, but you have been a fine player in your time and a proud Englishman.
You still have something to offer, albeit from the bench and, besides us Leytonstone boys need to stick together...
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