There are just some things in life which don’t go together. Oil and water, chocolate and fireguards, Kevin Keegan and pessimism, Brits and abroad, Amy Winehouse and rehab. For me, though, you can add something else to that list. Americans and English sports.
We have all watched in amused bewilderment as Liverpool’s proud traditions as a football club have been soured by the bickering and balderdash of their American owners. And we have scratched our heads as Manchester United become a global franchise for some ginger bearded bloke from Tampa who looks like he wears socks with his sandals. What’s his name again? Glazer, that’s it.
But, not content with getting their chubby, money-grabbing little hands on football - you might have got David Beckham to call it soccer but I will never submit - the yanks want to move into cricket as well.
The cheek of it. I mean, at least they play a bit of football on the other side of the Atlantic. As far as I’m aware, there isn’t a single cricket pitch in America because they’re too busy playing rounders - sorry baseball - all summer. So why on earth would they be interested in cricket?
Well, as ever, money is the main one and with the explosion of Twenty20 cricket in India, it looks as though there is plenty of money to be made from this new form of the game.
Isn’t it typical, by the way, that the English, having invented Twenty20 cricket, have found out that other countries are better at it than us! Didn’t much the same thing happen with football and rugby and I don’t think we’ve been the best team in the world in any form of cricket since the 19th century so why should we think we’ll be any better at the Twenty20 stuff?
Well, for those of you who don't know, having invented this new form of the game, we have allowed the Indians to create a new league which offers huge amounts of money to bring in the best players from all over the world while we sit around twiddling our thumbs and witter on about tradition.
Actually, that’s not entirely fair. With the prospect of the Indian Premier League stealing all our best players at the start of our summer, the English Cricket Board has responded by talking to a Texan billionaire, Allen Stanford, about the possibility of establishing a similar league over here.
Stanford, you see, has become interested in cricket because he lives in the Caribbean, but that doesn’t mean he knows much about it. Hence why he can come out with ludicrous statements like Twenty20 cricket will eventually be bigger than football.
Hmm, let me see Allen. A game played by a handful of countries, mainly former British colonies, against a game that is played in every country on the planet. Yeah, like that’s ever going to happen.
But the madness does not end there, oh no, it’s just getting started. In other efforts to respond to the threat of the IPL there is talk of abandoning the traditional county system in favour of regional franchises.
Oh you’ll love this. This means Durham will be merged with Lancashire and Yorkshire - because there is absolutely no rivalry there, nope forget history, forget the War of the Roses, forget everything - while Surrey, Essex and Middlesex will become one London team. Nottinghamshire, Leicestershire and Derbyshire would become an East Midlands team and so on.
There are 120 miles between Lancashire and Durham so we’re not exactly neighbours are we. And can you imagine a Yorkshireman leaping around with a four sign above his head as he watches the cheerleaders celebrate another boundary for that well known Lancastrian Andrew Flintoff.
Unbelievable. If this is the best American innovation can offer, I think I’d rather stick to watching county cricket being played without any of the best players in front of rows and rows of empty seats up and down the country.
In truth, something will be done to respond to the threat of the IPL because, while we are all too willing not to be the best on the pitch at something, we do pride ourselves in being the best at making money out of it. Just look at football.
It will represent a monumental change in how cricket is played - as well as how much money the best players can earn - and so on. But while we may need American money to help us offer the wages to compete with the IPL, that is all we need. If I see a single stars and stripes flag anywhere near a cricket ground I’ll, I’ll, I’ll stamp my foot and be really annoyed.
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