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Luke Edwards is Chief Sports Writer of The Journal and uses his blog to give a unique and entertaining insight into events at Newcastle United and Sunderland.

As well as football, Luke also regularly takes a wry look at the biggest sports stories from across the North-East and beyond. From cricket to rugby and basketball to boxing, some are criticised and some are praised.

Sometimes provocative, sometimes laugh-aloud funny, but always interesting Luke Who's Talking also gives you the chance to interact with Luke and have your say on all the major sporting issues.

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Keano, He Does Things With His Dog, Keano

Posted by Luke on April 17, 2008 2:56 PM | 

For the nihilistic helicopter pilot in Apocalypse Now there is nothing quite like the smell of napalm in the morning, but for sports reporters there is nothing quite like the scent of a local derby to get the pulse racing.

Of course, if Sunderland win at St James’s Park for the first time in eight years on Sunday the Bigg Market may come to resemble something akin to Saigon during the Vietnam War but it would be wrong of me to suggest anyone should respond to the crushing blow of a derby defeat by smashing up their own city. No seriously, don’t, it’s not big and it’s not clever!

I know some fans from both Newcastle and Sunderland who struggle to enjoy Derby day because there is too much at stake. Others, of course, love every minute of it for precisely the same reason.

I am in the fortunate position where I can simply enjoy the occasion. Not enjoy like a corporate sponsor does quaffing sandwiches and wine in a box somewhere, or enjoy like an armchair fan whose only link with the North East is a hazy memory from a stag do back in the early nineties. No I mean enjoy as a fan of football who has a unique insight into what this game means to both sets of supporters.

Put it this way, it’s like being able to have all the fun of the fair without feeling sick after one ride too many on the waltzer and then throwing up all over your new shoes!

Like most jobs, I sometimes moan about being a sports writer, particularly around Christmas time when everyone else is enjoying some family time or when I’m sent to Forest Green Rovers in Gloucestershire for a Sunderland pre-season friendly the weekend after I’ve returned home from the World Cup in Germany.

However, it is days like Sunday that make me appreciate just how lucky I am. In fact, if any of you happen to be milling around outside SJP on Sunday morning you may find me skipping up the hill in excitement. On second thoughts, having read that back to myself, you may find me walking up the hill with an extra spring in my step, that’s all. I don’t skip anywhere, honest!

I’m actually quite relieved that both Newcastle and Sunderland have eased their relegation fears this month. While a relegation six pointer would have added to the excitement, when there is so much at stake in one game they tend to be horrible spectacles. I mean, when was the last time you saw an exciting final?

Instead, both sets of supporters can just concentrate on (verbally) abusing each other for 90 minutes and the players can concentrate on trying to win the game without living with the fear of knowing that a defeat might not just mean humiliation next time they pop to the shops, it might also mean trips to Blackpool and Cardiff City next season.

I’m also looking forward to studying Roy Keane’s face as 50,000 Geordies break into their first chant of “Keano, he w**** his dog, Keano�!

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Comments (18)

Little Lord Fauntleroy wrote...

I have already had a dream about the forthcoming game and am full of nervous anticipation. I'm more confident ahead of the return than I was back in November, but confidence from me can sometimes be a dirty thought.
However, I still think we've got enough to beat them and would be mortally wounded if we don't get 3 points. Not to mention out of pocket to the Inbreds that work in our office. It was a good idea at the time to bet all of them a lot of money!!

My score prediction shall remain a closely guarded secret, only divulged to the syndicate and Mr. Ladbroke!!

Posted by: Little Lord Fauntleroy  | April 17, 2008 4:13 PM

Paul Patterson wrote...

So it’s here, back into the breach, tin hats on, bayonets at the ready. Or rather, back into St James’ Park, Toon scarves on and Broon Ales at the ready, for it’s Derby day.

I’m one of the small minority that hate this game, as it heaps an undue pressure on the club and really, you only get three points for it, but then I think of the club and the club were playing and I switch the other way, where it would be brilliant to stuff them and then pretend it doesn’t matter, because that’s what winds people up more- Yeah we beat you 4-1, but were not bothered, we have bigger fish to fry.

The only problem is, this season- we don’t, so it’s back into the breach and get your vocal cords ready and waiting.

I will be having a wager, but that, like Fauntleroy, will be between me and the banker, I’ll share it, if it turns out to be profitable, which I certainly hope it is.

Luke, now that your getting married surely, you will be delighted at getting posted to some far flung climb to cover a meaningless friendly, like the rest of us, anything to get oot of the hoose.

Paul.

Note From Luke
You probably have a good point there but you just keep your sordid little life with your banker to yourself!

Posted by: Paul Patterson  | April 17, 2008 8:15 PM

Eric wrote...

As an American who adopted NUFC 2 seasons ago I'm loving the articles on the derby match-up and cannot believe how excited I am over this match even though I've never even set foot in England.

What I'm wanting is some perspective on how big this game actually is. I'm from the Southern U.S. where college "football" (U.S. style) is a religion. We have huge rivalries in Alabama/Auburn, Florida State/Florida, and Notre Dame/Michigan. Have any of you been in the states and experiences one of these match-ups? If so, how does it compare?

Well, I'll be at my local bar at 0730 "walking the dog" and having my first Brown Ale.

Howay!

Note From Luke
I've studied American history at University but the closest I've been to setting foot in your country is Canada! I'd love to experience one of your derbies one day, though. Will there be other people in the bar at 7:30am with you? It's nice to think of a few Newcastle and Sunderland fans settling down at that time of the morning to tune in on the other side of the Atlantic.

Posted by: Eric  | April 18, 2008 3:38 AM

Commulus wrote...

You would think that with the money Keane earns he would employ someone to walk his dog for him! I really hope for your sake, that belligerency is put on the back burner but it would seem a little out of character for the affable Irishman to bear a grudge!

But as I sit here dipping my fingers into the coffee and wondering what happened to the biscuits, in reflection maybe we should just hope that he doesn’t read your blog!

Note From Luke
Yeah, I kinda hope he doesn't as well but you never know! Found your biscuit yet?

Posted by: Commulus  | April 18, 2008 10:49 AM

Ronnie Lambert wrote...

My little sister used to skip Luke, in fact she skipped gayly on her way to school, the shops, everywhere. I think you'll probably wish you'd skipped writing that now mate. Everybody out there, I once shook hands with big Luke and his handshake is very strong and red-blooded and I'd welcome him back to back with me in a scrap any day. As a veteran of derbies for 47 of my 57 years on planet earth Luke, I can only describe it like that feeling you get when a tax demand hits your floor, or a request from DSS to come into the office for a cosy chat when you were out of work and built a fireplace for your neighbour, for free. Or sitting in the waiting room of your dentist, Dr. Mengele, before root - canal surgery and two extractions. Or waking up alone in bed after a huge night on the wee-wee to hear not a sound of the wife in the house ( debatable ). Yessiree boy I wouldn't have it any other way, that's why it's crucial for the south Tyne tribe to remain in the top flight. This is a cup final, a 90 minute rollercoaster ride. Even just listening to it on the radio is thrilling, watching it on TV is the next best thing to being there, but to have a ticket, which I do thanks to Biffa is an excruciatingly, orgasmic delight. If you could bottle the nervous tension, energy and adrenalin in the air at kick-off, a spoonful would imbue the recipient with everlasting life. Yeah, we do like derbies here. My heart says 4-0, but my head SCREAMS 4-0!!! HOWAY LADS.

Note From Luke
A night on the "wee wee" Ronnie!? Is beer not better?

Posted by: Ronnie Lambert  | April 18, 2008 10:56 AM

Nenad In Belgrade wrote...

National TV here isn't showing the game!! Just found out! Bloody hell, they show 90% of ManU games, the commentators drooling over Cristiano Ronaldo (in a weird way!), showing Avram Grant's Da Most Boring XI, and when Derby comes, they just ingnore it, even though they should be showing it as it's a Sky televised game...

So now what?!

Aw, please Lads, beat 'em. I beg you in the name of suffering Serbian Magpies!

Howay The Lads!

Note From Luke
Shame you missed it Nenad, although it wasn't the best of games in the end. A good win for Newcastle, however, and Sunderland were pretty poor. Fantastic to hear from so many fans who follow both clubs from abroad. I was in Serbia for the Exit Festival last summer - fantastic place.

Posted by: Nenad In Belgrade  | April 18, 2008 6:38 PM

jac mills wrote...

Luke

A great column, mate. I laughed so hard my wife thought I was having a fit. But there was also a sensitive -- and sensible -- side to the article. I won't be at SJP to see you skipping or otherwise, but will look forward to the report. Good luck, whichever way you lean. Now you have me wondering about Keane....

Note From Luke
I think some Sunderland fans are wondering about Keane after the side he put it out on Sunday!

Posted by: jac mills  | April 18, 2008 11:39 PM

Paul Venn wrote...

In response to Eric, I went to watch Tampa Bay against the Buffalo Bills a few years back. Don't get me wrong - it was a cracking day out with non-stop entertainment and even pizza delivered to your seat but not a patch on Derby Day for charged atmosphere. It got close when some English bloke living in Florida took a swing at me after the game for what he called 'giving the English a bad name' for introducing football chants to the American football fans!! He was removed by the local constabulary!! Just added to the fun.

Note From Luke
I'm glad he missed because of course he was giving the English a great name by swinging at people wasn't he?!

Posted by: Paul Venn  | April 19, 2008 8:03 AM

Paulie'sWalnuts wrote...

Helicopter pilot ????, You mean Major Kilgore, commander of The Air Cavalry unit. As for the game, Am staggered how easy Sunderland made it, They did'nt seem up for it at all, McShane could'nt have been any more comical if he were Paul Shane, unless he sang of course. A very satisfactory victory from a run of the mill performance, We wanted it more, KK is still Mr 100%.

Note From Luke
Thanks for the added film detail! Yes it was all a little too easy wasn't it?

Posted by: Paulie'sWalnuts  | April 21, 2008 11:08 AM

Little Lord Fauntleroy wrote...

My bet was unfortunatley for Owen 1st goal and a 3-0 victory. I had to have a word with myself for disappointed that we only won 2-0.
Wasn't our best performance, but against a mediocre side we did what we needed to do.

Kenwyne Jones looks handy but the rest of them let him down, not to mention the manager for being ever so defensive and 'Allardyce-like'

I hope Roy Keane does read this blog, then he'll find out what I think he does to his dog AND his cat (If he had one!!)

As for the American chap, you've got nothing that comes close to the atmosphere of a Tyne-Wear derby

Posted by: Little Lord Fauntleroy  | April 21, 2008 1:28 PM

The Colonel wrote...

Well Luke, let me begin by reminding you it is Robert Duvall's character Lieutentant Colonel Bill Kilgore who delivers the fabulous "napalm in the morning speech", not the Huey pilot. Overall the Toon were fairly poor yesterday, with Beye, Butt and Owen having outstanding matches. Oba lacks game-awareness despite his talent and needs to bring his team mates into play more. Duff and Geremi were woeful, in particular the latter's set piece work. On another note I thought the helpings of bird served to young Mr Chopra were a disgrace. He never got a chance at the Toon compared to some (eg Shola, picked on physique not goal scoring proficency)but his record on loan at Barnsley, (17 goals from rmf) Watford (4 in one FA cup tie) and 20-odd for Cardiff puts others in the shade, and the fee received for him (5m) compared to what they paid (500k) further illustration of Mr Shepherd's extraordinary business savvy. We should be proud of a local lad making it in the professional game and wish him well. The crucial fact is though we played badly AND WON! That is the sign of a team on the up. As L/C Kilgore says "...smells like victory!"

Note From Luke
I did feel a little sorry for Chopra, although the word on the street, so Huggy Bear tells me, is that the former Gosforth High Scholl pupil is far from happy at SoL.

Posted by: The Colonel  | April 21, 2008 2:30 PM

Mike Fraser wrote...

Hi Luke,

Australia must be the lucky country we've had every Newcastle game televised on Foxtel Sports Viewers Choice this season! Mind don't get jealous its rained for the last 2 weeks and we have had all our local football games cancelled due to pitch conditions!

Obviously, not a great game, derbys rarely are! Sunderland looked like they came for a draw with little to no support for Jones up front, Reid looks to be slower than Peter Reid and Edwards and Richardson seem to have lost whatever they once had.

Terrific run and header from Owen, Viduka and Martins worked hard enough and great cross from Gerami(but that was his only highlight). Perhaps we could swap Lennon for Zog with Gerami on the bench? Has Duff regained some of his old pace, he looked a bit sharper the last 2 games??

We still need more creativity from midfield as Barton doesnt seem to have that capability. I'm still hoping Emre gets another chance!

The defence looked OK but in fairness werent really under much pressure, Beye and Jose look good going forward.

The key question for the close season is who do you think we can bring to the club rather than who do we want?

Cheers

Mike

Note From Luke
Emre is struggling to be fit before the end of the season and I wonder whether he will be sold in the summer. Shame, but he hasn't done it this season and he is injured too often for me.
As for the transfer situation Mike, give me a little time and I will take a detailed look at the options available soon.
I'm shocked by the weather report from Oz. I thought you were having a major drought - ie two years or more - or is that just in along the Tropic of Capricorn?

Posted by: Mike Fraser  | April 22, 2008 8:43 AM

Little Lord Fauntleroy wrote...

Someone I don't think got enough credit for his performance on Sunday is Joey Barton. He's starting to look like the player that kept Man City up last season. He's not the creative type like Emre, but he put himself about and had a great first half. Like the rest though, looked overwhelmed a bit after half time.
I agree with The Colonel about Owen, Butt and Beye. Beye was my man of the match and has been Allardyce's best signing.

Posted by: Little Lord Fauntleroy  | April 22, 2008 11:48 AM

jac mills wrote...

Luke

Noticed your reply to Eric about visiting the U.S. You would be welcome, anytime, mate. I went to a friend's house for dinner last Saturday and surprise, surprise: his thoughtful wife had some NBA just for me! My wife tried one (first time) and she loved it. Have to watch her now!!

I did not see the derby, but maybe you are proving that your intution is much sharper than mine about players like Owen. I bow to experience.

Note From Luke
Ah yes, Michael Owen, I don't like to say I told you so but I will anyway! I thought you lived in Australia?

Posted by: jac mills  | April 22, 2008 12:33 PM

jac mills wrote...

Luke

I did live in Australia -- for more than 20 years, and that is where I first saw a young stud named Viduka. He weighed a lot less in those days, was as quick as a rabbit and had "international star" written all over him. While he has done well enough, he never has fulfilled the tremendous promise of his youth, which was a sight to behold.

Note From Luke
I see, somebody should have told him to lay off the pies! I've always said, if Viduka was a tad quicker than he is, he would have been one of the best players in the world. So where dfo you live now if it isn't Australia?

Posted by: jac mills  | April 22, 2008 6:31 PM

Mike Fraser wrote...

Hi Luke
It has now rained for 11 days straight here in Sydney, where surprise surprise in normal years we 'enjoy' twice the average rainfall of London!

I would love to see if Emre could perform consistently and for a decent number of games but I fear he will be sold, hopefully to bring in another creative midfielder
Cheers
Mike

Note From Luke
I think you're probably right Mike. Either that or Keegan will give Emre another chance next season to earn a new contract. As for the Australian weather, I believe northern parts of NSW are in drought, as are southern parts of Queensland. Is this right? II saw a tv documentary on it. Either that or I imagined the whole thing!

Posted by: Mike Fraser  | April 22, 2008 11:59 PM

jac mills wrote...

Luke

I rest my head in a very small place in the foothills of the Great Smoky Mountains. If you are interested in taking a look, let me know and I will send a website add. Cheers.

Note From Luke
I'll have a look on the web Jac.

Posted by: jac mills  | April 23, 2008 12:00 AM

Mike Fraser wrote...

Hi Luke,

NSW and South East Queensland remain in drought although the water storage in the Sydney Dams has doubled over the last 4 or 5 months to around 65% capacity. We have water use restrictions such as sprinkler bans and limited hose pipe usage. Its rained again today and football training is off and the games at the weekend are not looking likely! It was a chilly 19 degrees today and I have friends over from Durham seeking a sun tan!

Cheers
Mike
Note From Luke
Well I'm sat at the cricket in Durham and, surprise surprise, it's raining as well. Thanks for clarifying the drought situation Mike.

Posted by: Mike Fraser  | April 23, 2008 12:42 PM

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