And There Goes The Stag
Given the fact it's normally me who tries to give you answers to your questions and enquiries, I think it's time for a little change.
This weekend will see me celebrate my stag do in York with a weekend of high jinx - also known as heavy partying or getting hammered - and as part of the festivities we shall be visiting York races.
If you want some insight into what is going on at Newcastle United read my article in Wednesday's Journal. If you want something to do with Sunderland, there ain't much happening until Roy Keane gets back behind his desk, but there is plenty of cricket to keep people entertained. Failing that, you can fall back on Euro 2008 because I'm off!
Now I've never been to York races before, but I've heard very good things there and, if I remember rightly, Ascot was held there a few years back when the Ascot course was being developed.
That's all well and good, but what I'm after are some tips for the races. There has to be someone out there who fancies themselves as a bit of a tipster.
All recommendations will be gratefully received, although I won't be sharing any of my winnings. I'll be more worried about keeping myself clear of any stag do pranks by my so-called mates!
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Luke Edwards - is Chief Sports Writer of The Journal and uses his blog to give a unique and entertaining insight into events at Newcastle United and Sunderland.
What kind of brother and best man am I? I can't even go on the stag do! I'm sure the other best man and your real friends will stitch you up good and proper.
Have a blinder and pile your bets on the second favourite in every race. A simple formula with a good success rate.
big bro'
Note From Luke
Not a bad shout, I'll try it for the first three races and see where that gets me.
I ain’t much of a tipster I’m afraid Luke- not at horses anyway.
For Euro 2008, how about a sly bet on Czech Republic, 16-1 at Coral, or Holland at 11-2, Croatia at 12-1,- all quite long shots at good prices, Howsabout Kevin Keegan not being in charge by the time you make it back from your honeymoon- whoops,- you wouldn’t get long odds there.
I’ve been to York, for a night with a few mates a couple of years ago and it was quite good, very studenty though, lots of rich, southern, clever people walking around with books and drinking (Real) ale and looking down their noses at the common people getting p****d on fifteen pints of more chemically enhanced chemicals and thinking ‘Mmmm, that KFC sounds like a good idea after all’
Either way, the races sounds fun, the stag do sounds fun,- it’s what follows that doesn’t. Good luck anyway.
If your fancying earning some money, and lets be fair every married man needs it in spades- look for anything remotely close to being called ‘Ashley’s Trigger’ or ‘Southgate’s Loss’ or even ‘Roy’s Rubbish’
Either way enjoy yourself and don’t let them mates of yours do you up like a kipper.
We will see you when you get back and - Have a good one!!!
Paul.
Note From Luke
They'd better not sticth me up like a kipper. I don't like kippers at the best of times.
here's a tip for you old son.
Don't leave any drinks unguarded near any of us. Don't trust us next to any sort of shaving implement, restraining device etc.
And if she has big hands, a large adam's apple and looks like a dude she probably is a dude. and it was Craig's idea.
Other then that you are golden.
Note From Luke
There is a strict no practical joke rule. Well at least I'm trying to enforce one.
Have a great time in York and best wishes for the dreading
Cheers
Mike
Looking at the other responses Luke it would seem you are in trouble anyway. My recommendation? Enjoy it. What choice do you have. Although I would consider telling Ste that it has been cancelled, he seems dangerous.
After this, it's all over for the high jinx. Do not envy you mate, especially with a mate like Ste!
Note From Luke
I think you're probably right Paul! I hardly know the guy come to think of it. He could by a psychopath! Nah, he's fine. His one negative is that he's a Liverpool fan from the Wirral!
I returned to my brimming chalice and made myself comfortable. Peering into the mysts, hmm fortuitous gambling, luck, and chance forsooth! Mind you, it can result in the unearthing of a murky desolation within, or serendipitous and inventious self belief. Some say pick the horse with the largest quarters whilst others may revere its’ form, or the reputation of the jockey. Take into account track conditions, and a whole myriad of unfathomable variants, and then bypass the ‘experts’ and go with whatever is the word or theme of the moment!
Here are a few tips
1. Don't wear any embarrassing novelty underpants!
2. Conceal a pair of kids rounded scissors down one sock to cut the Gaffer Tape, and thus freeing yourself from the lamp post!
3. Did I mention that gambling is a mugs game, so my tip for a wizard prang amongst high Jinx and pranks, wheezes and japes, (have you been reading ‘the famous five’?) Is on the 3.40 Royal Yorkshire Handicap a nag by the name of ‘Reem Three’ although heaven knows why?
Note From Luke
Thanks, I think!
That piece about Milner and his contract, is typical, "Ive got nothing much to write about, mm Milner hasn't been in the news recently, lets do a piece about him".
Note From Luke
Eh? I haven't written a piece about James Milner and his contract. In fact, I've not written a piece about him at all summer!
Phew!!! just getting over withdrawals from being brutally disconnected by the hapless BT for not paying my last 3 bills ( which I had ) and requesting termination ( which I had not ). A whole month of wrangling, learning Urdu so I could converse with technical staff in Madrass and generally acting like a bear with a sore heed, or a prospective groom on the morning after a cruel stag night. Forget what the lads have telt yi Lukey boy, get yasel a pin. They make a great non-lethal weapon against would-be attackers trying to gaffer-tape you, they hurt like hell if thrust in fast, deep and repetitively. You can slowly cut through gaffer tape with one, easily pick the lock of joke-shop handcuffs and most importantly, pick horses with one. You'll have as much success with a pin as with any of the suggestions you've had from the wino's on this page. Best of bonnie lad, you're in for a great life with a Geordie wife. Busker
Dear Luke
Many congratulations on your forthcoming nutptials!
Make sure you check out the King's Arms by the river, a fabulous boozer that serves my favourite best bitter - and good luck with the punting!
Note From Luke
Funnily enough Colonel, that is where we started drinking on Saturday morning. We were staying in a house just along the river. It was a great spot.
Dear Luke,
best of luck with your 'stag do', reckon you`ll probably need it.
Also all the very best for your development in the greatest institution (after SJP) in the world mate.
warm regards from a wet and windy Durban.
PS. Best stag do I heard of lately was four Brits flying to South Africa to learn to shark dive (and without a cage).. check out the photos Luke on http://expedition.sharksafaris.com/blog/_archives/2008/4/27/3663374.html
See none of the other bloggers gave you a tip and you couldn't pick your own!!!
How many wins did you have again???
Note From Luke
None, diddly squat. That's two weekends in a row I've gone to the races and lost all my money. Mugs game!