April 2009 Archives

Graham Onions is a headline writer's dream, although I'm sure that did not come into the selector's thinking when they named the Durham fast bowler in the England team to play the West Indies.

If it was, they would have picked his Durham teammate Phil Mustard as well, providing lots of unfunny people with a reason to chuckle about Onions and Mustard being too hot to handle and so on.

In truth, Onions has been rewarded for an impressive start to the season with his county after two or three years on the periphery of the international set up. It is a richly-deserved call up and it will be fascinating to see how he does at Lord's.

It will also be fascinating to see what sort of response it gets from Steve Harmison...

I've said it so often I've sounded like a stuck record. Michael Owen's goals will keep Newcastle in the Premier League. Now it looks as though I was wrong after all, perhaps it will be Owen's missed chances which will send them into the Championship.

When I saw the ball had fallen at the feet of England's once greatest playing goalscorer I thought that was it, all the missed opportunities wouldn't matter after all, and once again Little Mo would silence his critics in unanswerable fashion by scoring the winning goal in the biggest of games.

There is only one word to describe Sunderland's performance against West Bromwich Albion and that is disgraceful, which is pretty much what Ricky Sbragia went for after the game.

Throughout their troubles this season, Sunderland supporters have been able to console themselves with the fact Newcastle's have been considerably worse.

Now, though, the Wearsiders could realistically be overtaken by their local rivals and sent crashing into the Championship in their place. I can't think of a worse humiliation and nobody in Sunderland will be feeling very smug at the moment.

The first day of the cricket season - yes I know it started last week but this is Durham's first Championship game so it's the start of the season proper - is normally associated with overcast skies, gloomy predictions about the state of the English cricket and empty grounds.

So it has been refreshing to see clear blue skies and a healthy crowd at the Riverside as Durham embark on the defence of their county championship title against local rivals, and habitual whingers Yorkshire.

Mind you, the fact most of the media attention in an equally packed press box has focused on Steve Harmison and Michael Vaughan proves somethings never change.

As tough as it was to take at the time, has the defeat by Tottenham Hotspur at the weekend changed anything for Newcastle United and their chances of remaining in the Premier League?

On one level, of course it has. If Newcastle had taken all three points from their trip to White Hart Lane they would be just one point adrift in the relegation zone. Even if they had only taken a point, with a superior goal difference, they would have been just one win shy of overtaking Blackburn Rovers.

Then again, United's final three home games of the season were always likely to make or break their survival mission.. All defeat by Spurs has done is emphasise that even more sharply in the mind.

Alan Shearer has already made one significant breakthrough as Newcastle United manager and it has nothing to do with his first point at Stoke - he has managed to get Mark Viduka off his backside and into some sort of vague shape as a footballer.

Viduka is an infuriating player. He is so laidback he may as well lie down. Some would be less kind. Some would say the Australian is an uncommitted waster who is just happy to pick up his money - just shy of £80,000-a-week at Newcastle - and do as little as possible for it.

I hear James Beattie is still whining about the fact he took a whack in the face against Newcastle United last weekend, which is a bit like the hired muscle complaining about a bruised knuckle after a tasty debt collection.

Stoke City are the most physical, intense - some would simply say dirty - and direct football team in the Premier League. They are successful because, by their own definition, they get in the faces of the opposition, rough them up a bit and refuse to allow them to settle.

But it seems Mr Beattie, that shrinking violet of a centre-forward and one of the Premier League's true gentlemen (ahem, cough, cough) didn't like the fact Sebastien Bassong caught him in the face with a stray arm. Perrlease, do me a favour you moaning little (deleted for consumption of family audience).

I've been called many things in my time, but Nostradamus has never been one of them so I generally try and steer clear of making predictions when it comes to football results, safety targets and so on.

However, with six games left to play and with the North East supplying three of the bottom four teams in the Premier League, it does not take a clairvoyant to tell you that at least one, and quite possibly two, of the region's big three will be playing in the Championship next season.

The real question is who, because Newcastle's point at Stoke may have been a step in the right direction, but it was not the big one Middlesbrough made with their win over Hull City, yet neither was it the slip Sunderland suffered with a home defeat by Manchester United.

Gary Lineker summed it up as well as anyone on Match of the Day over the weekend. Yes, thanks Mr Perma-Tan, you're right, it was another miserable day for North East football, so why don't you head back to the sunbed and your Trophy girlfriend half your age and leave us to get on with worrying about it without your smug grin irritating everyone!

You see what the stress of a double relegation battle has done to me. I've even resorted to lashing out at my boyhood hero, the man whose posters used to cover my bedroom wall as a youngster, whose admiration for is about the only thing I have in common with Michael Owen.

Blimey, this is getting worse each week isn't it? With seven games left to play the only good news for Newcastle - and vica versa - was that Sunderland lost.

Poor little Dennis Wise , poisoned little dwarf, that he is. The first casualty of the Alan Shearer era at Newcastle United and the first indication that the club's former skipper intends to manage the club without any interference.

Wise has been heading out of the St James's Park exit door for weeks if not months, so it was strange to hear managing director Derek Llambias defend him publicly back in February.

The pair have rarely spoken since December and nobody will have mourned his departure on Wednesday, probably not even Dennis who has earned plenty of money during his 13 months on Tyneside.